


The Lies That Bond Us

by wavin_thruAwindow



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Crossover, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-10-05 18:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17330309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavin_thruAwindow/pseuds/wavin_thruAwindow
Summary: (this is such a cliche story but here we go anyway)Jeremy Heere and Evan Hansen aren't really looking for a new family. Jeremy is still recovering from the whole squip situation, and Evan is in the middle of an epic lie.But neither of them really have much of a choice; love waits for no one, and their parents, suddenly and unexpectedly, fell in love.They haven't been married yet, but they need to see if their family will work first, so they all cram into one house. At first, things get off to a rocky start, but Jeremy and Evan unexpectedly find that a brother might be just what they need.





	1. The Supermarket Smack

**Author's Note:**

> This is cliche! Sorry!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy knows nothing about his father's mystery girlfriend, and starts to pry. Evan is too wrapped up to care. But they end up running into each other without knowing who the other really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE YOU READ: Important announcement:
> 
> So there's a situation that came up at my house that's going to make it harder for me to update. I know when people say something like "situation at house" it means something really bad, but I promise, nothing too bad is happening to me, not anything too severely serious anyway. There's just a situation that's going to make it harder for me to update.... especially on Sundays.
> 
> So I'm updating today, obviously, then the next week, I will update sometime, but keep in mind it probably won't be Sunday! When I find a day that'll work for me to update, I will let you guys know! I will update as regularly as possible, and I'm sorry if I miss a week, but I will try not to.  
> Anyway this is really long now. I hope you enjoy the new story!!!

Jeremy was waiting for his porno to load. A lot of things had changed after the squip was destroyed, but his habit of looking at porn came back pretty quickly.

"Jeremy?" he heard his father's voice outside his room say. His door quickly opened.

"D-dad!" Jeremy slammed his laptop shut before he could see what he was looking at. "Shouldn't you knock?"

Mr. Heere shrugged, not looking very apologetic. In fact, he seemed very distracted. "Listen, I'm going on another date tonight, so can you just order some Chinese food, or-"

"Wait." Jeremy suddenly sat up at attention. "Another date?" he couldn't stop himself from smiling. "How many dates have you gone on? And I haven't even met this person yet! I don't even know her _name!_ "

Mr. Heere stood there and sighed. He sat down in a chair across from Jeremy.

"Her name is Heidi Hansen," he started slowly, "and she's a nurse at the hospital. She has a son who's about a year older than you."

Jeremy nodded. "Can I meet her?"

He sighed and said, "Yes, I'm sure it's time you've met her. We've been talking about moving in together... and you should meet her before we do that." he laughed nervously.

Jeremy's brain fogged over. He got terrified at the thought of living with a near stranger and her son. It had been him and his dad for a long time, and the thought of it being any different...

"I should go." his father's voice cut through his thoughts as he stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jeremy."

Jeremy watched his father go, feeling empty, and somehow like a little kid again. He suddenly was very uninterested in his laptop.

He heard his phone ding and looked down, hoping it was Michael.

It was Christine.

"Dang it," Jeremy cursed under his breath.

After the squip incident, him and Christine had gone out for lunch. Once that went well, they went out for dinner. They were soon a couple.

But soon there was a nagging feeling in the back of his brain whenever they hung out; held hands, kissed, any of that stuff. _This isn't right. I don't like this. What's wrong with me?_

They were on a date at the zoo, and when Christine kissed him once they were done, his thoughts finally came into clarity: _I'm gay, aren't I?_

Christine was a very sweet girl, and he valued her friendship, but it didn't take him long to realize that he didn't like her that way.

_Is that why I look at guys more than girls on my laptop...?_

He didn't want to break up with her and hurt her feelings, though. And almost out of shame, as well, is why he stayed with her. He had been fighting for this girl for so long, and only after he had some real-life dating experience had he realized his sexuality. It would be shameful to break up with her and then immediately go after Michael.

So he tried to bury his feelings deep down and keep the people around him happy, even if him himself wasn't.

He texted Christine back, then called Michael.

"Hey, man." Him and Michael's friendship still remained the same. The awkwardness from their fight because of the squip was gone, and they were better friends than ever.

"Hey," Jeremy said. "Can I vent to you?"

"Shoot."

"I think my dad is wanting to get remarried.... it's freaking me out."

"Seriously?" Michael's voice couldn't hold back his excitement.

"It's scary, Michael! What if I have to live with a bunch of random people?"

"Does his mystery girlfriend have children?"

"Apparently a son who's a senior this year."

They talked like this for a while, until Jeremy realized he had to go get food from the Safeway. He felt like being responsible tonight.

"Talk to you later, Michael." Once he hung up, he went to the bathroom and realized he was blushing. He groaned.

But then he realized something else.

His squip was there. Looking at him from behind, smiling like a devil. Jeremy gasped, and turned around, but nothing was there. He looked back towards the mirror, and it was just him.

"Just PTSD...." Jeremy reassured himself, but he was still pretty shaken. He headed to the supermarket, trying to shake the feeling.

..............

"I'm going on a date tonight, Evan." Heidi was hurriedly checking she had everything, and making sure her makeup was perfect.

Evan's mom never wore makeup. Evan would've asked his mom about it; which guy had finally convinced her to put on makeup; but he was too caught up in The Connor Project.

"Mkay," he mumbled.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Heidi smiled, and waited until his son looked up from his laptop.

Evan smiled at his mom. "Yeah. For sure."

"Good." Heidi looked relieved and kissed his son on the cheek as he blushed. Then she left. "One more thing; go to the Safeway tonight."

"Mom, why can't I just order pizza?" Or eat leftovers, even better?"

"Evan, going to the supermarket is a big sign of being an adult. When you go to college, you'll have to shop there all the time! And it'll be good practice for human interaction."

"But-"

"Nope! End of discussion! This is not up for debate! Bye!" His mother left before he could protest more.

Evan groaned. He didn't want to go, but he figured his mother was probably right.

He looked down at his left arm, with a big white cast covering it. In sharpie was the word CONNOR covering the entire thing. The cast would come off soon.

The Connor Project had recently a day or so ago gone viral. He was reading the comments in disbelief, unable to believe that his speech had cause all this.

_His fake speech._

He started thinking of last night as well, and he blushed. Zoe had kissed him. He had tried kissing her before, but she pulled away, and he had thought he had completely ruined things between them. But Zoe had kissed him, and he had kissed back.

Just thinking about that gave him anxiety. _Does that mean we're a couple now? Or was it just a kiss? What did it mea-_

"Well, time to go to the supermarket," he said, closing his laptop and interrupting his own thoughts. If he thought too hard about something, he would never stop.

He headed down there, and once he finally got there, his heart started beating much more rapidly. _What am I even going to get?_

He walked through the doors which slid open for him, and his anxiety got immediately much worse.

_Sandwich. I'll get mayonnaise and bread and lunch meat and cheese and then I'm good to go. In and out. Run.  
_

He walked quickly, and went for the mayonnaise first.

_Check._

_Lunch meat and cheese are really close to each other._

_Check. Check._

_Bread. Where's the bread?  
_

The bread was down in one of the aisles. He had to go get it, but thankfully he was almost done there. He was trying to avoid any human interaction of any sort at any cost. He kept his eyes on the floor, and headed down he aisle with the bread, watching his feet, left right, left right-

Suddenly he and another guy around the same age as him were on the floor, the other guy rubbing his head. "Ow..." he mumbled.

Evan felt his face flush, and his palms start to sweat. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I should've watched where I was going that was totally my fault and I'm really sorry I'm going to shut up now but I'm really sorry I can help you-"

The other guy was laughing now.

_Crap. He's laughing at me. I'm going to die._

"It's fine," he said. "Don't worry about it."

Evan then noticed that his sandwich ingredients were on the floor. "Shoot..." he mumbled. He picked them back up and put them in the basket. By the time he was done, the other guy was on his feet, and offering his hand.

"Thank you," he said as he stood up, looking at the guy anywhere but his eyes. He could not make eye contact (but out of the corner of his eyes he noticed his eyes were blue).

The other guy was tall, taller than him, but he slouched, so it didn't show much. He wore a striped shirt with a blue coat over it, and brown pants. His hair was brown and messy.

"Are you looking for something?" the other guy asked quizzically.

"W-what?" Evan's eyes snapped back to his. _No, I'm not looking for any of you, sorry if it- DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT._ He ripped his eyes away.

"Anything on this aisle?"

 _Oh._ "Bread."

The other guy reached up and found some, then handed it to him.

"I'm Jeremy, by the way," he said.

"I'm Evan."

Jeremy smiled. "Well, see you later, Evan." Then he walked past him, hands in his pockets, and turned left down another aisle.

Evan's eyes sparkled in admiration, even though he did seem younger than him.

_He seemed really nice.... and cool..... I wish I were cool.... wait! I am! Remember, you're a viral star now._

He certainly didn't feel like one. Finally his shopping trip was over, and he went to buy his sandwich.

.....................

"Thank you, Jasper." Heidi laughed. "This has been a wonderful night."

Mr. Heere smiled warmly at her. "Heidi, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"I know both of us have talked about.... moving in together, and getting married...."

Heidi stopped laughing, and her eyes held curiosity for what he would say next; maybe some worry as well.

"My son.... Jeremy, I've talked about him.... he was asking to meet you, and Evan."

Heidi smiled a little.

"We should definitely have all of us meet each other if we plan to move in together," Heidi said.

"Then it's settled." Mr. Heere smiled. "Would tomorrow night work?"

"Tomorrow night would be perfect."


	2. Nice to Meet You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heidi, Evan, Jasper, and Jeremy all gather at Evan's home to meet. Jeremy and Evan remember each other from the supermarket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don't know if I'll have a specific, day; probably Mondays. But I will post on other days as well, and more often, so I get through the story faster, and you won't forget what happens on a week to week basis. Mondays you can count on, and other days of the week, I might throw in some extra chapters as well.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> btw sorry i know i said mondays but this was posted on a tuesday lol

_This is just what I needed today._

_This is so sweet._

_It's so sad that he saw no other way out._

_My friend has been feeling this way for a while, so I've been able to show it to her. Thank you, Evan._

Evan had woken up early to read the comments Saturday morning. He wasn't sure how he felt about them, if he felt guilty, or happy, or just shocked about them. Either way, he was addicted to reading them.

He looked down at his cast. He got it off that evening. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, either. Sure, it wasn't fun to have CONNOR following him around, but at the same time he felt like he deserved to have it there.

Soon he sighed and got bored. He pulled out his phone and read the text his mother had just sent.

_At 3 before you get your cast off, my boyfriend is coming over with his son. His son is about a year younger than you._

Evan's heart sped up. He had been so caught up in The Connor Project, he had forgotten how serious his mother was getting with this other man. He felt guilty about it, especially since that now he hadn't paid attention, he didn't know anything about him. What if his son was a jerk?

 _I have to clean the house,_ he thought.

 _Are you thinking of moving in together?_ Evan texted back.

He anxiously watched the typing icon, signaling his mother was giving some kind of response.

_That's why we're meeting up with each other today. To see if it would work. We're seriously considering it._

_Would we move there or would they move here?_

_We don't know yet, Evan. Calm down._

_I am calm._

_No you're not. I know you, Evan._

Unfortunately, she was right. Evan felt very lightheaded, and realized he had to calm down. The thought of living with near strangers freaked him out.

_Ok.... I'm calm now. See you then._

_Yep!_

He got to work cleaning the house. _They'll judge me if they see how dirty the house is._

In reality, the house was pretty clean on its own.

.................

_That kid from the supermarket was really weird...._

Jeremy was zoning out and thinking about his trip to the supermarket as he ate cereal for lunch. Thinking about it made his head itch where he had bumped into the other guy.

_His cast was really weird, too...._

His dad had told them that morning that he had finally arranged for each other to meet. Jeremy shrugged and said, "Okay."

Christine had asked to hang out today, but he had texted back saying he had a family thing. He texted Michael, telling him everything in more full detail.

 _Oof, good luck! Also do you want to hang out tomorrow?_ Michael texted.

 _Yes! That sounds awesome!_ Jeremy smiled despite himself, then mentally slapped himself.

_Snap out of it! You're supposed to be straight, remember? And don't do anything inappropriate tomorrow!_

He had nothing else to do that day, so he watched TV and played video games until it was time to go to the house on the other side of town. Jeremy was a little anxious, but pretty excited and open.

He saw the squip standing on the street outside the window, staring at him.

He gasped and grabbed his dad's arm, suddenly panicking. "Dad."

"Jeremy, what is it? Don't do that! We could've ended up in a car crash! What's wrong?" Thankfully they were at a red light, so Mr. Heere could turn to him.

The squip was gone, and Jeremy was breathing hard.

"N-nothing," he said quietly, feeling like a little kid as he drew his feet up to his chest. "It's fine. Sorry. I thought I saw something, but I didn't."

Mr. Heere could kind of guess what Jeremy was talking about, but he didn't want to pry. Slowly Jeremy calmed down, but he didn't stop hugging his knees. "I'm here," Mr. Heere muttered, but he wasn't sure if Jeremy could hear him.

They finally got to the house. It was a lot smaller than Jeremy's own house, a small, white-bricked two story. Though there were two floors, it was the smallest house on the block, and not as well kept after.

Jeremy was starting to get a little more anxious, but it was normal; after all, he was about to meet someone who could very possibly be his brother soon. His father rang the doorbell, and a moment later, a slim blonde lady in nurse scrubs opened the door. HEIDI HANSEN said her name tag.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't able to change!" she smiled and laughed, looking at her father only. "Come on in? How are you?"

"I'm great!" Mr. Heere turned to his son. "This is Jeremy."

Heidi then turned to Jeremy and smiled. "I've heard a lot about you, Jeremy. It's nice to meet you." she held out her hand, and cautiously Jeremy took it. "I know this must be a little scary, but I promise that I won't replace your mom."

Jeremy thought about his mom for a moment, and what a disgusting woman she was. "Please, go ahead and replace her," he said. They all laughed.

_Ok, this isn't so bad...._

"I'm going to go and change, but go wait in the front room on the couch! My son Evan is there," she said. Jeremy narrowed his eyes.

_Evan, I've heard that name before...._

Heidi quickly raced up the stairs as Jeremy and his dad slowly made their way to the living room.

A boy stood there, nervously smiling at them. He had a cast on that said CONNOR. His eyes widened as they landed on Jeremy, and Jeremy's eyes did the same.

"You-"

"Me-"

"What?" Jeremy's father asked, looking quizzically between the two of them.

"J-Jeremy? That's your name?" Evan asked cautiously.

"And you're Evan." Jeremy stated.

"How do you two know each other?" Mr. Heere asked, confused.

Jeremy quickly explained. "When I went to Safeway last night, we rammed into each other." he looked back to Evan. "Well... hi again!" he laughed a little.

Evan didn't answer, but he smiled a little bigger.

_He's so cool...._

"Thanks for the bread," he said shyly.

"Oh, no problem!"

Heidi came back downstairs. "So, I couldn't help but overhear you met each other already! What a coincidence!" she looked to her son. "See, Evan? New friends just by going out!"

Evan blushed and quickly looked away.

"So.... when do you get the cast off?" Jeremy asked, trying to break the ice.

"Huh? Oh..." he looked down at his arm, as if forgetting it was there. "Later today, actually."

Jeremy smiled at him. "That's cool, actually. Can I ask, who's Connor?"

Evan's face quickly drained of all color, and he glanced nervously at his mom. "He's.... a guy.... at my school. Not close friends, just kinda.... signed my cast."

Jeremy felt a little confused at his answer but didn't question it. Heidi suddenly spoke up.

"Speaking of Connor... there was actually a different Connor who took his own life this year.... there was an assembly, I heard... it's very sad."

Evan's fingers were drumming against his pant leg, and he looked like he was about to barf.

"I think I heard about that..." Jeremy's father said. "It's a shame he saw no other way out."

"Do you guys, uh.... do you want some, uh, dinner." Evan said meekly, coughing a little at the end. "Even though it's only 3...."

"That sounds good," Heidi said. "What do you think, Jasper? Dinner at 3?" her eyes shined with a laugh.

Jasper smiled. "Sounds perfect.

As they sat down, Jeremy glanced at Evan. He wasn't the smartest tool in the shed, but the squip taught him how to read when someone was hiding something.

And Evan definitely had a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going for this idea of Evan just completely adoring Jeremy, which I think is kind of cute. I obviously don't ship them, because in this story, Evan is straight, and they will soon become brothers. I just think it's cute to have Evan completely adore his younger brother.


	3. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Heere-Hansen family has dinner. Yep.
> 
> And Jasper and Heidi discuss their future, and finally come to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that situation I was talking about? It got cleared up a LOT faster than I thought it would! I think I will be able to post on Sundays as regular now, still not COMPLETELY sure. I will also post whenever I feel like posting! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Dinner was turkey and mashed potatoes, and some ham, too. Evan didn't understand his mother; why did they need turkey and ham for the same dinner? But he wasn't complaining.

The first couple minutes, he and Jeremy were silent as their parents talked in eager conversation. They were sitting across from each other, simply staring at their food as they ate, and listening to their parents conversation. Evan had calmed down from the mention of Connor, but he really thought he was going to lose it in front of these strangers, which would have been embarrassing.

Evan stole a glance up at Jeremy. He had pretty average looking features, but something about him was really cool. He seemed like the kind of person who maybe hadn't always been cool, but maybe he had learned how to chill out. And even if he wasn't popular, he looked like he had a solid friend group.

Evan had gotten good at reading people over the years; wishing he could be a part of them, but never able to.

Jeremy glanced up at him, and both their blue eyes met. Evan blushed and looked away.

He had put his phone on vibrate, and it was buzzing against his leg like crazy. He itched to check it, knowing it was from the Connor Project. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore, and headed to the bathroom.

He felt Jeremy's eyes on him still.

Comments. So, so many comments, it was boggling his brain. There were one or two rude comments, because of course there always was, but others shot those down. Evan pulled his hair up in exasperation.

_Would all of these nice people become monsters if they knew the truth?_

He shook his head. _No, they wouldn't become monsters, because I was the one from the beginning. They'd just be cleaning up the trash._

Hew gripped his phone tighter and grit his teeth. _I better make sure no one **ever** finds out._

He exited the bathroom and sat back down. Jeremy glanced at him quickly, then looked back down. His mom was still deep in conversation.

A couple minutes passed, their voices becoming a meaningless drawl, when he heard his name in the midst of it, and he looked up. They were looking at him. They were pulling him into the conversation.

"Sorry, what did you say?" he asked shyly.

"Your mother tells me you like to write?" Mr. Heere asked.

Evan turned pink. It felt like that was all his mother knew about him sometimes, but he nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Jeremy likes theater," Mr. Heere said. Evan relaxed a little as Jeremy perked up. _At least I'm not the only one being pulled into the conversation._

However, Jeremy looked a little alarmed, like he didn't like where the conversation was going. Mr. Heere looked like he regretted saying something as well.

"Oh! Was he in it this year?" Heidi asked.

"Only for the first semester...." Mr. Heere said cautiously.

Heidi turned to Jeremy. "Were you in Midsummer's Nights Dream? But didn't you guys change that one into a zombie sort of story, because of copyright or something?"

Jeremy looked sick to his stomach, but he nodded. Mr. Heere looked guilty as well. Heidi was oblivious, and Evan had no idea what was happening.

"I went to see that," Evan heard his mom say, but he was looking at Jeremy, who shrunk down a little as she said that. "Somewhere near the middle was when I started to get really confused, and then I started to realize something was wrong, since one of the audience members came up to the stage.... holding soda for some reason..... and then everyone ended up screaming, and everyone fell down, and the lights came up, and I think everyone just assumed that was the end of the show." Heidi laughed a little. "Don't worry, I'm not criticizing it or anything. It was just.... an interesting concept. Okay, to be honest, I was a _little_ confused."

Jeremy tried to give a weak smile, completely slouched over now. His nails dug into the sides of the chair. He looked up, and made eye contact with Evan. He looked panicked, scared. Evan furrowed his brows in confusion.

Before Mr. Heere could jump in, Heidi asked Jeremy, "Can I ask you who you were in the play? I don't know if I'll be able to remember your face very well, because of the makeup and costumes and everything."

Jeremy stuttered, looking flushed. "Um... I was uh...."

"You know Shakespeare," Mr. Heere jumped in, saving his son from whatever he was worried about. "Shakespeare names are hard to keep track of!"

Mr. Heere gave a very pointed look at his son, then turned to his mother, giving her a look that said, _I'll explain later._

Evan desperately wanted to know what was happening between these two strangers at his dinner table. But I supposed if he was allowed to have secrets, so did they.

...............

Before they left, Evan and Jeremy were sent to Evan's room to have "bonding time" while the adults talked downstairs.

"I think that went pretty well," Jasper said with a smile on his face.

However, Heidi looked worried. "I don't know.... they were barely speaking.... what if they never like each other? I mean, they helped each other out in the supermarket yesterday, but..."

"Hey, hey, hey." Jasper looked lovingly into her eyes, which were blue, just like her son's. "We love each other, right? Evan and Jeremy just met _today_. Well, technically yesterday, but you know what I mean! It will take them _time_ , even how you and I did, right?"

Heidi still looked unconvinced. "But this is Evan's senior year. And we're in the second semester, as well. What if they never get time to bond? And then Jeremy will go after that-"

"Well, if they never bond, then by that point it won't matter. They'll be out of the house, and it'll be the two of us against the world." He smiled and leaned his forehead against his girlfriend's. Perhaps they were too old to act so lovey-dovey, but right now it felt like they were so young.

Heidi took a deep breath. "I guess you're right. So... do you think it's a go? Get married? Move in?"

"One thing at a time," Jasper said. "I was thinking we should move in together first, and see if we can stand living in the same house. And then maybe we can get married after Evan leaves, or even after Jeremy. After all, you said it might be hard if they never connect. Then again-" he leaned in closer to her, cupping her cheek with his hand, "I don't know if I want to wait until Jeremy's gone."

Heidi giggled, taking the hand that was resting against her cheek and holding it in her own. "Speaking of Jeremy.... he seemed a little nervous at the table today... is he alright?"

Jasper hesitated. He know he had promised to tell her what had happened with Jeremy, but the notion sounded so ridiculous, she had no idea if she would believe him. "Jeremy fell into a...... bad crowd last year. A lot of them were in that play, so he has very bad memories from there."

Heidi nodded understanding. "PTSD, of a sort?"

Mr. Heere remembered how his son had acted on the drive up. He nodded. "Of a sort."

Heidi hesitated before saying, "I've told you before how my son has anxiety.... right? But it can be pretty bad. He has meds, therapy, everything." she paused. "But maybe with two parents... they'll get through it better?"

Jasper chuckled, and kissed her softly. "I think so."

"So," Heidi breathed. "Will we move in here, or move in at your house?"

Jasper pulled back and thought for a moment. "I was thinking my house.... don't worry, I know your house is lovely, but..... my house is a little bigger for a family..."

Heidi said, "I completely agree." Jasper was startled, and Heidi smiled.

He laughed a little. "Does that mean Evan will still go to the same school....?"

Heidi nodded. "Definitely. It's halfway through his senior year, after all. But on your side of town, there are no buses going to his high school, which means he will have to drive himself.... oh! Or I can drive him, and bond with him! Or, even better, _you_ could bond with him!"

Jasper smiled. "That sounds amazing."

Heidi stood up from the table they were having their discussion at, clapping her hands a little. "I'm so excited! When should we start this process?"

"Let's start next week!" Jasper stood up with her, confidently.

"When should we tell the kids?"

"....Tomorrow. They've already had enough sensory overload from meeting one another today," Jasper thought. Heidi nodded, but her smile was still huge.

However, they didn't need to tell their kids, because Jeremy and Evan's "bonding time" had been sitting on the stairs, eavesdropping on their parents.

...........

The drive back was quiet. Jeremy didn't zone out looking at the window; he didn't want to see the squip. He didn't want to look at his dad, since it would feel awkward after they eavesdropped (the parents didn't know about that yet), so he just looked down at his lap.

Finally, Jeremy decided it was best to just rip the band-aid off. "Dad, I know." his voice was raspy.

His father startled. "Huh?"

"They're coming to live with us, starting next week." Jeremy's voice wavered, and he suddenly realized how scared and upset this whole thing was making him feel. "I heard."

Mr. Heere was silent for a moment before saying, "Let's talk about this at home, where I can look at you."

Jeremy's head bobbed in a nod, and he tried to suppress the tears that had come out of nowhere. Sure, they seemed nice enough, but Evan seemed like he had some internal problems, and after he himself had almost blown up at the dinner table....

They were home eventually. Jeremy unbuckled, still looking down, and entered his house, still looking down.

He started up to his room, hoping his father had forgotten about the conversation they had in the car, but no such luck. "Get back down here."

Jeremy sighed under his breath, and went back to the kitchen table, which was usually empty.

Maybe soon it wouldn't be.

He looked down at the table.

"Hey. Look at me."

Jeremy did, and his father's green eyes looked back.

"I told her that you fell into a bad crowd, instead of explaining the whole..... situation. Does that lie work for you?"

Jeremy nodded his head numbly.

"Okay. So yes, they will be coming to live with us. The plus side for you, though, is that Evan is a senior. He'll be out of the house soon, and then you'll be out of the house soon. After Evan leaves, the only extra person anyway will be Heidi."

Jeremy waited. He knew there was more.

"However.... I told her that our house is bigger and better for family's... and though that is true.... you might need to share a room with Evan."

Jeremy had suspected this was coming, and tried to keep the water out of his eyes. For years, his room had been his safe haven, where he could be himself, and be content.

Now it was being invaded?

His father knew him too well. "Hey, I know this is new and scary... but it's only for a semester, right? Then your room will go back to the way it was."

Jeremy nodded, unable to speak because of the tightness building in his throat. After a couple seconds, he was able to swallow and say, "I suppose I should go enjoy my room now while I have it?"

Mr. Heere reluctantly nodded, letting his son go.

_It'll just take time._

Jeremy, climbing the stairs, thought of Michael. Needing Michael. He was coming over tomorrow, but he needed someone to talk to tonight.

_Can you come over tonight instead? If that's possible?_

Jeremy, alone in his room, finally allowed the tears to fall, and allowed himself to be stressed out and sad about the whole situation. He saw a blurry message come up from Michael, but he didn't bother to read it quite yet.

_It just takes time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a little off topic.... so I fell into the world of Omegaverse fanfiction, and I think it's a really cool type of AU, one that I am kind of interested in doing. I've read some on Voltron, and that sounds fun, but Voltron Omegaverses have been done a LOT before. I would like to do She-Ra, or maybe The Dragon Prince, or really any musical! If you guys have any ideas, I'd like to hear them!


	4. The Week Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It glosses over Jeremy and Evan's life before they have to move in together.

That night, Evan and Heidi went to the doctor to get his cast off.

Evan had learned at the dinner earlier that day that Jeremy was a junior. He didn't quite yet have his license, and it felt like they were implying that he wasn't ready yet. He kept wondering about why Jeremy was acting the way he was when the play was brought up.

Then again, Jeremy was probably wondering the same thing when Connor was brought up.

Evan had his driver's license, but he didn't want to drive with his cast on. Thank goodness it was coming off.

His mother was trying to make conversation with him, but Evan really didn't feel like it after what he had overheard with Jeremy.

After they had heard all they wanted to hear, they looked at each other and slowly retreated up the stairs.

"Well," Jeremy said when they made it back to Evan's room.

Evan nodded, not feeling like he wanted to speak.

Jeremy also fell into an awkward silence. He had seemed stressed, worried, something. He exhaled, running his fingers through his hair.

Evan caught himself staring at Jeremy. He was straight, but he couldn't help admiring this younger person. Even when he was stressed, he seemed to keep his cool.

Jeremy caught Evan staring. "What?" he snapped.

"Oh, n-nothing." Evan looked away quickly. _Maybe not, then..._

Jeremy was eyeing Evan's cast, which he didn't appreciate. He was scared he would ask about it, but thankfully he didn't.

Finally, after minutes of silence, Jeremy had to leave, and Evan could breathe again.

Except he really couldn't. He kept thinking of how in a week he would have to move to the other side of town.

He snapped back into reality as they pulled into the doctor's office. He remembered coming here with his boss that one day during the summer. And then he told the whole world that Connor had done it.

He eyed his mom warily.

They entered the doctor's office. Heidi continued to try to talk to him, but he still only answered with one or two words. He was quiet to the doctor, too.

It was a magical moment when the cast came off. His arm felt lighter, but heavier at the same time. Either way, it felt free and new. He moved his arm around to test it. Thank goodness Connor's name wouldn't be following him around anymore.

"Who's Connor?" the doctor asked curiously, trying to make conversation.

"A friend from school," Evan said in a monotone, trying to make his face impassive. He had become a skilled liar over the past few months, but that freak out at his house had reminded him he couldn't let any of the truth leak through.

The doctor didn't pry anymore, and soon they were able to go home. Evan leaned his head against the car window, holding his left arm still like if he let go it would break again.

Finally, his mom asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're shutting me down again."

"No I'm not!"

"Evan."

Evan turned to look at her. Her eyes remained on the road, but her jaw was set with determination.

Evan sighed, and traced circles in the dashboard. "I overheard you... and Mr. Heere talking."

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his mother's fingers tighten around the steering wheel. "So.... you know about that."

Evan nodded, even though she couldn't exactly see him.

"Listen, Evan, I know it's a big adjustment-"

"It's fine," Evan said, even though it really wasn't. "They probably have a bigger house as well."

"Yes... it is bigger.... but something else me and Mr. Heere discussed was you were probably going to have to share a room with Jeremy."

Evan stopped tracing circles now. _No. No no no no no no no no no._

He wouldn't have even been that mad if it hadn't been for The Connor Project. Now Jeremy was going to find out what he had been doing, and what if he told someone?"

"Listen, I know this is a big change, but-"

"It's fine." It wasn't fine.

"Let me talk." her voice was stern but reassuring. "It's only for a semester, and then you'll be out of there, right? Plus, it's good practice for next year. You're going to be having college roommates anyway, right?"

"He's basically a stranger. Now I have to share a room with him?" Evan wanted to make his voice powerful, but he was never able to do that. His voice was weak and shaky.

Heidi sounded sad for her son. "I know. It's hard. But please, you won't ever have to talk to him if you don't want to. We can even put a divider through the room if you want. Okay?"

Evan traced circles again. Though he was disappointed, he was glad something was going his mom's way for once.

"Want me to make it up to you somehow?" she asked softly.

"No," he said quietly. "I'm just glad you're happy.

It was a while before Heidi spoke, and her voice sounded small and tearful.

"Oh, Evan, you're too good to me."

....................

During that very moment, Michael was at Jeremy's house listening to him rant about everything, tears on his face. He tried to wipe them off, but it was hard with his mouth moving so much.

Michael listened patiently. Jeremy felt bad that he was laying this all on him, but Michael was there whenever he wanted to vent, and for the most part, I don't think he minded either.

Finally, Jeremy was done. Michael blinked in surprise at the silence, and Jeremy wiped his eyes again, hiccuping.

Michael took a moment to prepare a response. He said, "So, Evan.... was he nice?"

Jeremy's breath hitched a little. "I guess so... he was a little weird, but he was okay, I guess."

"It'll probably take a while to get used to... but it probably won't be the end of the world. And if he's a year above us, then you won't have to worry about him for long, right?"

"It's not just that," Jeremy said. "I'm glad my dad is happy... but for so long, it's just been me and him, and he had just gotten his life together, so I thought me and him would be fun for a while..." Jeremy hiccuped again. "Now there's this rando lady in my house?"

"I felt similar to this when my older brother got married," Michael said. "It used to always be me and him, and then after he got married, whenever I visited him, it felt like more of his attention was on his wife." Michael breathed in. "But I got used to it, and so did my brother, and now it's almost like it used to be. It's not the same, but it's not _worse_ , either."

Jeremy looked down, nodding. "But now he's going to be around, and it'll be a lot harder for us to hang out."

"We could always make friends with him." Michael smiled, meaning the best, but an unwanted surge of jealousy surged through Jeremy.

"And if you ever need to escape, my door is always open," Michael continued. "We can hang out there instead, if you want."

Jeremy laughed a little, but then his vision blurred over with tears again. He looked down at his fingers, trying to blink them away, but to no such luck. "I'm sorry for laying this all on you," he said. He laughed. "I'm a crybaby."

"Oh yes, you are," Michael laughed. "But if I minded, I wouldn't be here right now." Jeremy looked up, and he saw Michael beckoning to him. "Come here."

Jeremy smiled, and stumbled over to Michael, where Michael wrapped him in a hug. "You'll always have me."

Jeremy hugged back, silently crying, until eventually his arms were too weak to hug back, and before he knew it, he was cuddling.

Jeremy liked it more than he wanted to admit.

After several minutes, Jeremy calmed down, and he breathed in deeply. Everything would be okay, as long as he had Michael.

_But you don't **have** him. You have Christine._

He felt a little sad at that. But a little guilty at the same time. Sure, he really did like Christine as a friend, but he wasn't sure how to break it to her that he didn't see her as more than that.

Finally, after what felt like hours, and was possibly even that, Michael cleared his throat and said, "You should probably warn Christine as well."

Jeremy sat up, and looked into Michael's eyes. His face was unreadable.

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah. I guess I should."

...........................

For both boys, the week passed slowly, yet quickly at the same time. Jeremy and Michael hung out at Jeremy's house as much as possible. Evan updated The Connor Project, and avoided taking his meds (claiming he didn't need them anymore). Both didn't mean to give their parents the cold shoulder, but that's what it certainly felt like to the parents.

Until finally, Saturday came.

Jeremy was ordered to come straight home from his lunch date with Christine to meet the moving truck. It was about 3 in the afternoon.

Heidi and Evan popped out, and met them at the door. "Hey!" the parents greeted.

Evan and Jeremy made eye contact, both their faces like stone.

Both weren't really looking forward to this, but they really didn't have a choice, did they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... their brothership begins!!!


	5. The Moment Worlds Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day after everything was settled at Jeremy's house. Evan and Jeremy are now brothers sharing a room, and Evan and Jeremy meet each other's friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say here.. or should I say HEERE?!
> 
>  
> 
> Also I'm sorry this chapter was rushed. Or at least it felt rushed. This whole story feels rushed. I'll try and slow down, so I'm sorry!!!

Monday morning.

Jeremy and Evan had spent both Saturday and Sunday getting things settled in the house they now shared. Both didn't talk much, except when it came to reorganizing their room, and both of their voices dripped with dissatisfaction at the situation.

Jeremy went downstairs to go get something, and Evan looked at his room.

Thankfully, Jeremy's room was pretty big on its own. They had almost neatly divided the room in half; you could've probably taped a line through, and it would've been a clean cut. Jeremy's room was decorated nicely, red sheets covering the bed, lots of posters lining his wall, a dresser with a laptop sitting on top. His half, in comparison, was very bland; blue sheets, a dresser, a laptop, but not much else.

Evan's eyes drifted to Jeremy's side again and walked closer. There were many pictures of him with friends; there was one with him in a big group; one short guy, one tall guy, one blonde girl, two brown haired girl, one was on the heavier side, and a more geeky looking brown haired girl. It looked like Jeremy himself was taking the selfie, and he was beside a guy with glasses and a red hoodie.

Now as Evan looked at all the other pictures, a lot of them were of him and this guy in the red hoodie. There was one of them slurping milkshakes, one of them playing video games... it looked like this guy had even cheekily signed one of the photos as if he was a celebrity, and in handwriting the name said _Michael_.

He picked one of the photos up, studying it more closely. It was kind of fascinating to him to learn about other people's lives.

He also found a note lying there on the desk, with shared handwriting; one of the scrawls of handwriting looked like the friend named Michael's. He assumed it was a note passed during class.

 _What's wrong?_ Michael's handwriting began. _You look really stressed out & pale._

 **I'm fine** said what Evan assumed was Jeremy's handwriting. **I'm just thinking about everything that happened... it's still stressing me out to be honest.** **  
**

_You have no reason to still be stressed out. It's done. You're safe. Everything's fine.  
_

**I know... I guess it's just PTSD?**

The notes stopped there, and Evan flipped the page over to see if any more was there.

"What are you doing?" a voice cut through the air like ice. Evan jumped, his heart starting to race. He turned around to see Jeremy glaring at him.

Evan started to flush, but for some reason he didn't look away. Sure, he wasn't making eye contact, but usually he would've looked across at the other side of the room. He noticed Jeremy was angry, but at the same time pale, like he was worried about something.

"I... uh, I...."

"That's _your_ side of the room," Jeremy said harshly, pointing to the other side of the room. "You stay over there, I stay over here, and we'll both live. Okay?"

Evan nodded sheepishly and hurried past him to get out of the room.

He checked his phone as it buzzed. This time it wasn't from The Connor Project, it was from the group chat he shared with Jared and Alana.

 _Can we have a meeting early Monday morning to discuss things?_ Alana was asking. _I would go for after school, but I'm busy with other things..._

 _That's fine with me_ Jared said as Evan watched.

Evan sighed. He was sure he could swing it somehow.

_Sure, but I might be late. I'm living on the other side of town now. I'll explain later._

He watched Jared's texting icon, then said, _If you send me your address, I can pick you up._

So Evan did.

..............

"Idiot," Jeremy muttered to himself, looking at the note exchanged between him and Michael. Why had he left it out in the open, where Evan and Heidi could have easily seen it? Sure, he hadn't known how _nosy_ Evan was going to be, but still.

He shoved it into his drawer and continued to help moving in.

Now it was _really_ Monday morning, and Jeremy woke up early because he wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. He felt like a prisoner in his own home, and suddenly there was a pressure to be polite and perfect.

Michael usually gave him a ride to school. Michael was older, plus with the events of the squip and everything, Jeremy had been delayed on getting a driver's license. There was a small part of him that felt guilty that he was more willingly hanging out with Michael than Christine, though... perhaps he should talk to her soon....

He noticed that Evan was out of his bed, tying his shoes. He rubbed his eyes, and pretended like he wasn't eyeing his new brother's every move.

Once he was done, tying his shoes, he picked up a small container, rattling it. It sounded like he was shaking... pills? He looked like he was considering something for a moment, than shook his head. He looked at Jeremy, flushed, and left the room quickly.

"What the heck...?" Jeremy muttered, and got ready for school.

He was pulling on his sneakers as he ran down the stairs, nearly tripping. Evan and his dad were there, both in an awkward silence. Heidi had already gone to work, because it seemed to Jeremy like the only things she did was work and hang out with his dad.

Evan glanced at Jeremy, then quickly looked away. Jeremy ran around in a hurry, getting breakfast, his lunch, and his backpack ready. Since the squip incident, he had also been trying to get better grades,

"Calm down, Jeremy," his father said, smiling. "Michael won't be here for a couple more minutes."

He saw Evan tense out of the corner of his eye, and Jeremy couldn't help but growl a little under his breath. _Was he snooping more than I thought?_

Jeremy sighed and sat down in a big heap, pouring milk for his cereal. "Yeah, I know," he said, but he didn't slow down. The only sounds at the table were the sounds of eating.

After a minute or so, Jeremy jumped up and took his bowl to the sink, dropping it in and grabbing it out. Evan did the same, but much more calmly and reserved.

"Both your rides will be here soon," Jeremy's dad said. Jeremy's hand tightened around his backpack strap when he thought about that, how he was _Jeremy's dad._ Not _Evan's_.

He hadn't even realized before that he was jealous.

Jeremy's dad continued, "Both of you should go wait outside together!"

Jeremy and Evan both shrugged, because what were they gonna do?

So they stood on the driveway in awkward silence, and Jeremy felt like he should break it. "You have a friend driving you to school?"

"Yeah," Evan said. "Or- family friend."

Jeremy nodded, a little confused. "Doesn't your school start a little later than mine, though? What are you going to school so early for?"

Evan blanched a little, and he tightened his grip on his backpack. "Extra-curricular."

Jeremy looked back towards the other side of the street hoping either Michael, or Evan's ride would come soon. "What's his name?"

Before Evan could answer, two cars came around the bend. One was Michael's, and then Evan perked up a little, so he assumed their rides were coming at the same time.

They both stopped in front of the house, and Jeremy and Evan walked forward as Michael and Evan's family friend got out of their respective cars.

"Evan," said the other guy. He was tall, slim, with glasses, and for some reason he reminded Jeremy of Rich; of people who were trying to be cool, of people who so desperately wanted to be cool. And maybe it was working. "Who's this?"

"Jeremy," Evan said shyly, "This is Jared. My family friend. And Jared, this is my new... half-brother. Jeremy."

Jared looked Jeremy up and down. It kind of ruffled Jeremy the wrong way, and he suddenly felt defensive, but before he could say anything, Jared turned to Evan and said, "You don't have to waste your time with saying _family friend_. You can cut it shorter. Just say _friend_. Whatever."

Evan blushed. "Oh. Okay."

Jeremy fought back a smile. That was actually kind of cute to see, and he had immediately gotten vibes that Evan didn't have many friends to begin with. It was nice to see him gain one more.

Michael walked up then, seeming to respect that moment, even though it hadn't really been private. "Well, Evan. This is Michael." he couldn't hide the condescending tone in his voice as he looked at Evan with a coldness. Evan clenched his jaw, but nodded his head weakly.

"Hello," he said. Michael nodded and smiled politely.

"Well, we better go, or we'll be late, and you know how Alana can get," Jared told Evan, and Evan nodded, following Jared to his car. Before he got in, he turned back and gave Jeremy a slight wave.

Jeremy smiled and couldn't help but wave back. It was a little interesting to hear how Evan had a completely different life from him.

He wondered who Alana was.

He wondered who Connor was.

"So." Michael said, and Jeremy turned his attention back to him. "That was the new half brother?"

Jeremy sighed. "Yep."

Michael considered something for a moment before saying, "He doesn't seem _too_ terrible."

Jeremy snorted. "Besides the fact that he likes to snoop through my stuff."

Michael winced. "That's like.... the biggest felony one can commit."

Jeremy laughed, a laugh that seemed only Michael could get out of him. Then he turned more serious as he said, "I think he read that note... the notes between us... when you thought I looked sick?"

Michael froze. "Oh. Oh no. Oh _crap_."

"That was kind of my reaction on the inside, but on the outside, I told him to eff off, and go to his side of the room."

Michael smiled a little. "Maybe you can snoop through his stuff to pay it back?"

"Two wrongs don't make a right, Michael," Jeremy said, smiling, as they walked to Michael's car. "Even I know that."

Michael smiled as well. "I wish you were my brother, Jeremy. That would be cool."

"No. No it wouldn't." Jeremy said that a little too quickly.

Michael stopped, looking at him quizzically. "Why not?"

Crap. Jeremy had to come up for a cover story now for his gayness. Gosh, why was he so gay?

"Oh. I meant, just... we'd probably get on each other's nerves.... I like this perfect image that I have of you right now.... that came out wrong... being brothers would probably ruin our... relationship? Gah! As friends!" It took everything for Jeremy not to face-palm, and he could feel his face flame up. Why was he like this?

Michael laughed, though. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. I like you just how you are right now. I wouldn't want to change you at all."

Jeremy's face heated up even more. He bit his bottom lip and said, "We should probably get to school."

Michael looked down at his watch. "Crap, you're right. Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What makes me really excited is the idea of a Riverdale and Voltron AU. Either the Voltron characters are in Riverdale, or the Riverdale characters are in Voltron, but either way, I want to see it happen. Just a really random thought. Anyone know of any fanfiction like that?
> 
> ...  
> Lol


	6. Accidental Snooping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy figures out what is going on with Evan. Evan is stressed out with the Connor Project. Feeling stressed out, Evan asks Jeremy prying questions as well, which is something sweet Evan would do if he wasn't stressed out. As we all know, though, The connor Project doesn't exactly make Evan into a sweeter person. Not at first, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post this Sunday. I wasn't really feeling like I liked how the story was going, so I decided to take a day off, and see if my creative juices could start flowing again.  
> I'm back now!
> 
> Edit: as I said I would give it better quality, I wrote half of this chapter and it was amazing fluff and stuff..... and then guess what I deleted it. I have a habit of deleting my chapters, don't I?  
> I rewrote it best to my ability. I promise it won't happen again.

Evan and Jared walked into the computer lab. It was empty, except for Alana, who turned around when she heard their footsteps. Her eyes shined with annoyance.

"How late were you planning on being?" she said, hands on her hips.

"Evan moved as far away as he possibly could," Jared explained, pointing a look at Evan.

Evan felt his own annoyance stir up. "Don't look at me, it's not like I  _chose_ to move! Besides, I'm here now, so let's just get to work."

Jared looked at him in something that almost looked like shock, but Evan ignored him. Alana cleared her throat and started.

"Right. Well, I'll just get straight to the point. We should do a fundraiser. To open the orchard."

Evan stopped breathing for a moment and turned to Alana in shock. "Um... excuse me?"

"You heard me," Alana said, smiling widely. "It's a  _lot_ of money, I know. But it's our senior year, and it's for Connor! And we have a social army behind us."

"Well, it's very.... ambitious," Jared said beside Evan. Evan said nothing.

"What do you think?" Alana smiled widely at the two of them.

Jared shrugged. "Do we have a deadline?"

Alana sheepishly nodded. "Two weeks. For over a thousand dollars."

Jared sighed. "I mean, I guess so. Even if we don't succeed, we can have the money for ourselves, right?" Jared smiled cockily. Alana rolled her eyes but smiled.

Jared turned to Evan. "What do you think, Evan? You have final say."

Except he didn't. Even if he had the courage to say no, Alana would be stubborn. After all, they had ended up as co-presidents, not president and vice, and Alana had the power to go ahead without him.

This would never end, would it.

"Okay," Evan said quietly.

...

The day passed along. Jeremy ended up describing his home situation to his friends, and they all understood and were very accepting. The bell rang finally at the end of the day, and he was heading out towards home, when he heard "Jeremy."

He turned around. It was Christine.

"Hey," Jeremy smiled and walked towards her, leaning down to kiss her. Some deep instinct in the back of his brain screamed at him, but he tried to ignore it.

After all, Christine was the best girl out there, and she deserved the best, right?

"Jeremy," Christine said, looking a little nervous. "I want you to... talk to me, about anything that's bothering you, okay?"

Jeremy startled. "What?"

Christine shifted on her feet, looking up at him. "I know your home life isn't the best right now, and I understand if you feel uncomfortable there now. So, if you ever want to vent about anything, or tell me anything, talk to me. Please?"

Jeremy's eyes softened when he looked down at Christine, and said, "Of course."

Suddenly he wondered if she was talking about more than just the moving-in situation, but her expression was unreadable.

Christine smiled at him. "Talk to you tomorrow, Jeremy." They kissed once more, and then she skipped away.

Jeremy headed straight home, to his room, to his laptop. He opened the hood of it, and opened his search browser. He was about to search something up for homework, but stopped cold.

You know how sometimes when you open a search browser, the home screen is a bunch of news articles?

The top one had Evan's face on it.

Jeremy clicked on the article, only reading the heading when it reloaded into the full thing:  _Connor Project announces fundraiser_.

Jeremy read down, reading how Evan Hansen and Alana Beck, along with the treasurer Jared Kleinman (who Jeremy remembered from that morning), were starting a fundraiser for an orchard that someone named Connor loved.

"What the frick?" Jeremy whispered. He muttered something much worse than  _frick_.

He opened a new tab, and typed up The Connor Project. It was the first option.

There was a video at the top, that looked like a school assembly. He clicked on it, and watched Evan freak out on stage (seemed like him), but then slowly gain his confidence as he went along. There was so much more promotional and informational stuff on the site as well.

He surfed through the website, confused. The comments were inspired, and people were posting about how this had made their day. This was an internet sensation.

Connor. Connor was the kid who had killed himself. The kid whose name had been on Evan's cast. Evan had said it was a different Connor. What was his reason for lying? Maybe it was too sensitive for him?

But his mother seemed to know nothing of this either. So what was going on?

Jeremy heard footsteps, and heard Evan stumble into the room, but he did not turn around.

"Hey," Evan said in greeting, crossing to his side of the room.

"Hi," Jeremy said in response. He gulped down his worry. His curiousness was getting the better of him. He needed to have answers to this.

"Hey, Evan?" he turned to his _brother_.

"Yeah?" Evan was curled up on the bed, holding his left arm where his cast had been like it was still broken. He was facing the window, which was right next to his bed, looking over his shoulder at Jeremy.

_Oh my gosh, he looks so adorable right now_ , Jeremy thought, but mentally slapped himself. _No! Focus on the problem at hand!_

"So, uh..." Jeremy picked up his laptop, and crossed over to Evan's side of the room. "I just got my laptop out to look at stuff for homework, and I found something really interesting." Jeremy looked back at his laptop, eyebrows furrowing. Then he looked back at Evan innocently, tauntingly. "The Connor Project? Oh, what's interesting, you're on the cover of every article talking about it."

Evan's face turned whiter than a sheet. Jeremy, voice more cold now, asked, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Evan glanced nervously around the room, then rushed to the bedroom door and shut it. Then he turned back to Jeremy, glaring at him. Jeremy was a bit surprised at this.

"I thought we agreed on not snooping through the other's personal space," he snapped.

"Well, it's a little hard to hide something when it goes viral," he snapped back. "Besides, if I was in your position, you would probably click on the article as well." Jeremy looked at him suspiciously. "Why doesn't your mom know about this?"

Evan let out an exasperated breath. "Okay. Okay. Look. He killed himself, yeah? He signed my cast, and then he killed himself. His parents were desperate, so when they saw me with his name on my arm, they assumed we were friends. They were _heartbroken_. I tried to tell them the truth, but they... I failed at that. They invited me for dinner, and at this point I was really deep in the hole. I couldn't just tell the truth now, they were still so desperate, too. I... don't know why I started the online thing. It just sort of happened."

Jeremy sighed, trying to process this. "Okay.. wait, so you just _decided_ to dig yourself deeper into a hole by putting everything online. That's kind of dumb, isn't it? And isn't it a little far-fetched that they'd assume you're his friend just because his name was on your arm? What if it was a different Connor? Even if they're desperate, that seems a little crazy, doesn't it?"

Evan continued to glare at him. Jeremy hadn't known Evan could be mean and cold before.

"I... don't know." Evan's gaze softened a little, and he suddenly seemed lost in memories. When he returned to the surface, he looked weak again.

"There's something you're not telling me."

Evan turned cold again, giving confirmation to Jeremy's suspicion, but still not telling him the truth. "You _can't_ tell _anyone_ about this. Your friends, maybe they'll see it, but don't tell them to seek it out. You can't tell your dad, and you _especially_ can't tell my mom. You don't talk to _anyone_ about this, and if someone brings it up, you say 'Connor who?'"

Jeremy glared back at him, and said. "Fine. But don't blame me for the consequences."

Evan crossed his arms, challenging Jeremy now. "What about you? I shared the biggest secret I have. Your turn."

Jeremy scoffed, starting to cross back to his side of the room. "I don't think so."

"Who is Michael? And why do you have PTSD? Maybe I'm not the only one hiding things from our parents. Maybe I could tell your dad!"

Jeremy stopped and finally turned around to face Evan. He could feel his face going red as he thought of what he could tell Evan. He could tell him he was gay; that was a secret he had, and it might not cause as much damage. If he told Evan about the squip, Evan would think he was crazy."

"For your information," Jeremy said, "My dad already knows about that. So I have nothing to hide."

Evan almost begged him. "Please. I mean, we're living under the same roof now. I'm probably going to find out eventually. And we're... we're brothers, so we should probably trust each other. I just told you my biggest secret. I mean, you could..." Evan seemed to be at a loss for words, and then he just gave up. He looked frustrated, like this wasn't the first time in his life he was having trouble communicating what he wanted to say. "Never mind. I have to do homework. Forget I said anything."

Jeremy didn't have to tell Evan anything. Sure, he owed him something, and sure Evan was adorkable, but still. Jeremy didn't feel anything at that moment. Not pity, not like he owed something, and not like he should tell Evan because he was cute. He felt like he should tell Evan because Evan was his brother. He felt like he should tell him because he needed to tell someone. Right>

"It's...." Jeremy also struggled for words, but even though Evan wasn't facing him, he could see his brother's body tense. "It's hard. To talk about. And you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Evan chuckled a little under his breath. "I doubt that. I've heard a lot of crazy things in my life."

Jeremy fidgeted with his hands. "I- I was- I, um...." he sighed in frustration. "I... Thank you. Thank you for telling me about the whole Connor Project thing. And thank you for telling me most of the truth."

Evan turned around to face Jeremy, and there was no anger or resentment there towards the fact that Jeremy was too weak to tell him what had really happened during the first semester.

"You're welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very unspecific in the money that needed to be raised and the time span it had to be done in because I forgot all of that stuff lmao
> 
> Also I know some of this stuff sounded kind of gay between Jeremy and Evan but I should probably put it out there now: THEY WILL NOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP! Maybe I'm paranoid because I watched this one anime called Citrus that was about two step sisters that started dating, it was weird. Anyway. They're going to think the other brother is adorable, but that is about it.
> 
> Also the reason Evan tells Jeremy the truth instead of lying to him like he lies to his mother when she first finds out, is because Evan is still sort of learning the ropes of lying, he's desperate, and awww he admires Jeremy!!!
> 
> also another edit: guess what Jeremy's doing again? KEEPING SECRETS!!! If you read my first fanfic, the first like three quarters of the book was Jeremy keeping things from his friends and family lmao


	7. Brotherly Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title states, Evan and Jeremy bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted recently!

The week kept passing by. Evan was stressed about the fundraiser. Jeremy offered to help, but Evan waved him away.

"It's fine. It's my own dumb fault anyway," he said. He sighed, but Jeremy didn't say any more.

Sometime Thursday afternoon, Christine came over to Jeremy's house, and Jeremy introduced her to Evan. They nodded and smiled at each other, and Evan went back upstairs while Christine and Jeremy hung out in the front room, watching TV and cuddling.

Later that evening when Jeremy came back upstairs, he found Evan looking at him with a weird smirk.

"Whaaaat is that face about?" Jeremy said suspiciously, crossing to his side of the room.

"Dude, you're gay."

Jeremy blinked, almost tripping over his feet. He clumsily dropped to his bed and started to take off his shoes. "Excuse me?"

Evan shrugged. "I saw you guys, and I don't know how she doesn't see it, but you seem kind of tense when you're so close to her. And it's hard to explain, I could just immediately tell... I don't know." he hesitated before asking, "Am I right?"

Jeremy started to feel his face heat up. He directed his glare at his shoes instead of Evan as he continued to take them off. "No! Maybe _you're_ gay, and you're mixing it up with me."

When he looked up, Evan was looking at him intensely. "I'm straight," Evan said as if it was what mattered most in the world. Jeremy don't know why it made him laugh so hard, but it did, and he was laughing for a long time as Evan stared at him strangely.

"I'm sorry," Jeremy giggled as he sat up again. "That wasn't even funny. I'm just really weird."

"I think I have a girlfriend, so I think that's a sign I'm straight," Evan said shyly.

"You _think_ you have a girlfriend?"

"Well, it's a secret right now. We're not telling people we're dating. So I think it's still exclusive?" Evan shrugged.

"What's her name?" Jeremy finally got his shoes off and laid back on his bed.

"Zoe."

Jeremy startled, craning his neck to look at his step brother. "Zoe? Zoe _Murphy_? As in, isn't that Connor's sister?"

Evan's face exploded into red, and he nodded a little.

Jeremy stared back at the ceiling. "Now I know why you guys want to keep it a secret," he said. "People would talk." then another thought hit him. "Does she know that you're lying?"

He heard hesitation before, "Yes."

"And she's okay with it?"

"Yes."

"That's a little..."

"Weird? Yeah, it is. So, are you gay or not?"

He was obviously trying to change the subject, but Jeremy just went with it. He sighed. "I don't know. I think so? But the problem is, I'd been pining after that girl for so long, it would look dumb if I broke up with her now because I was gay."

"Hmmm," Evan said. "That is tricky. Maybe, you could wait a few weeks and _then_ break up with her? Sorry, I'm not the best at giving advice."

"That's all right," Jeremy assured him. He turned to him. "You're pretty okay, you know."

Evan looked at him strangely. "Thanks?"

Jeremy laughed. "Good night, Evan."

"Good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a SUPER SUPER DUPER short chapter, I know. It's Monday though, and my creative juices aren't flowing. Just enjoy some fluff, and I'll have a more detailed chapter on Sunday.


	8. The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy has a nightmare and Evan is confused why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being so bad at writing this story so far. I'm trying to get back into it.

Evan settled into his bed, sighing and closing his eyes.

So. Jeremy was gay. Jeremy had counter attacked him asking if he himself was gay, and Evan had said no, using the reasoning that he had a girlfriend to prove it, even though Jeremy, being gay, had a girlfriend himself as well.

Oh well. He was never good at debating, anyway. Besides, he wasn't gay. He knew at least that about himself.

Jared wouldn't be able to drive him to school tomorrow like he had been all week, so in the morning Jeremy's dad would have to drive him to school on the way to work. This was the moment he had been dreading. Mr. Heere seemed like a nice guy, but he was never good at talking to people he hardly knew.

It was nice, though, to have a parent that wasn't his mom around.

He shifted around in his bed, so he was facing Jeremy's side of the room and not the wall. He knew it was a little weird to admire someone younger than you, but Jeremy was really cool. He seemed to be calm and collected, even when he admitted he had insecurities. He didn't seem to be as nearly as much of a mess as Evan was. He looked down at his arm, the one that had been broken, and a feeling welled up inside him, one he couldn't explain.

He looked out the window on Jeremy's side of the room, moonlight streaming in. He thought he could see a shadow that looked a little bit like Connor.

Jeremy was already asleep, and he was muttering something in his sleep. He was tossing and turning. Evan listened closely to see if he'd be able to understand what he was saying.

"I don't... go away.... I'm sorry... Michael I'm sorry... get out of my head... no.... get out of my head... I want a refund.... masturbation..."

Evan furrowed his brows. He had no idea what the dream was about. Then again, dreams never made sense, so he didn't think much of it. He rolled back around to face the wall, and fell asleep himself.

...........

He woke up screaming. He jolted up. The moon was still shining bright through the window, and his heart thudded painfully.

Wait. He wasn't screaming.

 _Jeremy_ was screaming, and Evan was scared because... well, he had anxiety.

Evan jumped up, and sprinted to the other side of the room. Jeremy was still asleep, but he was thrashing in his bed, tangled in covers. Evan's heart was still thudding violently, and he thought he would pass out.

_What if he's dying? What am I supposed to do?_

Thankfully, a reasonable part of his brain was able to speak out. _He's just having a nightmare_.

Evan grabbed him by his shoulders and started shaking. "Jeremy," he said quietly, but loud enough for Jeremy to hear him... hopefully. "Jeremy!"

Thankfully Jeremy was finally able to wake up, but he sat up so fast Evan stumbled forward, almost tripping.

"Shh..." Evan told him, and listened to see if their parents had woken up. After a couple moments, they only heard silence. If he had been screaming for longer, they definitely would have heard, though. Evan tried to slow his breathing down in that time, and his heart slowed as well. In and out. In and out.

He made Jeremy do it with him. "Breathe," he muttered. "In and out." They inhaled and exhaled together. Jeremy looked sick and pale, but he breathed with Jeremy. he hugged his knees to his chest, and his eyes shined with tears.

Evan sat down on the foot of the bed awkwardly. "Um... is everything okay?"

Jeremy nodded. He didn't say anything for a moment and they sat there in an awkward silence. Evan glanced at the clock. It was two in the morning.

"I, uh..." Evan looked back at Jeremy just in time to see him wipe his eyes. He must have hoped Evan wouldn't see that. "Sorry. For waking you up. I just had a nightmare. They suck, don't they?" he smiled a little at Evan.

"Do you remember what the dream was about?" Evan asked cautiously.

Jeremy shook his head, but averted his gaze. Something about it seemed suspicious.

"You're lying," Evan said.

"Really? Because you'd know all there is to know about lying, wouldn't you?" Jeremy looked at him sarcastically.

Evan stood up. Jeremy had obviously been put in a bad mood from his nightmare, but that comment still hurt. Even so, it was true.

"Okay... sorry for waking you up." The sad part about it was, Evan didn't say it harshly or sarcastically or anything. He said it like how he would apologize about anything.

"I'm sorry, too..." Jeremy muttered, and turned back around to face the wall.

........................

Evan woke up the next morning earlier than he expected to. Jeremy was still facing the window as he got ready for school, but just before he went downstairs for breakfast, Jeremy turned around and got ready for school as well. There were dark circles under his eyes, and Evan had the feeling he hadn't gotten any sleep since he had woken him up several hours ago. But Evan didn't say anything and he headed downstairs to get some breakfast.

A couple minutes later Jeremy joined him downstairs and grabbed some cereal. Evan focused intensely on his own cereal bowl. He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything at all.

Jeremy sat down across from him. Evan snuck up a glance at him, and Jeremy smiled at him. "Hey."

Evan blinked and said, "Hey..."

 _Of course, last night wasn't that big of a deal,_ Evan said. _Jeremy just had a nightmare, and Jeremy was a little bit irritated. Your anxiety is talking right now. Everything's good._

"How'd you boys sleep last night?" Mr. Heere said, who was at the table with them. Heidi had headed out early for work.

"Fine," both Jeremy and Evan said in unison, an unspoken agreement not to mention Jeremy's night terror.

There was scattered conversation throughout breakfast until Mr. Heere finally said, "Ready to go to school, Evan?"

Evan mentally sighed. He had forgotten about this in the chaos of last night. He'd have to hone what little people skills he had. There was no doubt he would try to stir up a conversation. "Yeah."

The first couple minutes were in silence.

 _Either way this car ride is going to be unbearable,_ Evan thought. _Either unbearable silence or unbearable conversation._

"So, Jeremy," Mr. Heere said.

 _Here it_ _comes._

"Are you getting along with Jeremy?"

"Yeah," Evan said, nervously twisting his hands. "Yeah, he's really cool."

He saw Mr. Heere smile a little. "That's good."

They lapsed into silence again. Evan still twisted his fingers around.

_Ugh._

Then Mr. Heere asked a question that he wasn't expecting. "Did Jeremy have a nightmare last night?"

Evan jumped. "What? No. yes. What?"

"I don't think your mom heard," Mr. Heere said. "She sleeps pretty heavily, doesn't she?"

Evan nodded. "She... doesn't get to sleep as often, with work and school, since she's pretty busy, so when she does sleep, it's hard to wake her up."

"I heard someone screaming, and instantly knew it was Jeremy. I was about to come check up on what was happening, but it stopped, so I assume you calmed him down?"

Evan sighed. The jig was up. "Yeah."

Mr. Heere hesitated before saying, "Did he tell you what the dream was about?"

"No, he said he didn't remember anything, but I could tell he was lying. A little bit before that though he was muttering his his sleep about... uh...." he tried to remember. "Masturbation?"

" _What_ _?"_ That was certainly not the answer Mr. Heere was expecting, and Evan flushed. He needed to find a more reliable answer. "Um... he said something about Michael, which is his friend's name, I think... I think he said 'get out of my head.'"

Mr. Heere took a moment to process that, his face grim. "Evan, has Jeremy... has he said anything... about something he's going through?"

"What? Hah! No!" Evan said, clearly overselling it.

_He told me he was gay and hiding it from his girlfriend._

"No, he wasn't telling me anything! He _hasn't_ tole me anything!"

 _How is it that sometimes you are so good at lying and sometimes you are so bad at it?_ He scolded himself.

Mr. Heere looked at him with a pointed look. Evan suddenly remembered the other thing Jeremy had almost told him about that one time, but he hadn't had the strength. Evan had assumed his only problem was being gay, and then he had confessed later on that his one whole problem was what to do about that. But maybe there was something deeper going on with him.

"No," Evan said, more truthfully and more believable this time. "I swear, he hasn't told me anything. What happened?"

Mr. Heere nervously drummed his fingers on the car wheel. "I've probably said too much."

 _Why can't anyone tell me what happened?_ It was probably a selfish thought, but Evan thought it anyway.

"Oh," Evan said instead.

"Don't get me wrong, I would tell you, if it was my place to tell. But Jeremy... well he went through some.... stuff, in the past year. And that should be his responsibility to tell. You understand that, don't you?"

"I do understand. It's okay," Evan said honestly.

"Oh, and one more thing," Mr. Heere said. "I know this is going to sound shady, but can you not tell Jeremy we talked about this? He'd probably get mad, and it wouldn't be good for anyone. He doesn't want us talking about him behind his back, especially something like this. It seems like him to get mad, isn't it?"

Evan laughed a little. "Yeah, that seems like Jeremy."

There was a small moment of silence, but it wasn't long because then they pulled into Evan's school. Evan pulled on his backpack and got out of the car.

"I'll see you after school," his step-dad said. Evan smiled at him shyly.

"You too."

He closed the car door and started walking towards the school. He took a deep breath and suddenly realized that the car ride wasn't so bad after all.

Even so, he felt weighed down by what he was told.

_What's going on with Jeremy? I hope he's okay..._

And then he entered the school, and Jeremy slipped to the back of his mind. He had his own problems to deal with.

He had a Connor Project to manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sounds really homophobic I'm so sorry
> 
> I'll try and fix that. Jeremy's scared of being gay because of what will happen involving his girlfriend and family. I can relate lol... kill me
> 
> also i'm so bad at writing chapter endings im sorry


	9. Scared Of Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heidi finds out about The Connor Project, but doesn't confront Evan about it just yet. Jeremy talks with his friends and freaks out about stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was re reading the previous chapter, and there were a LOT of typos haha

Heidi hummed under her breath. It was her lunch break, and she hadn't even touched her lunch. She was too busy looking up more college essay scholarships for Evan.

She had found a bunch of good ones when her stomach growled.

"In a minute," she muttered to herself. She opened a new tab, and opened Facebook to see how her friends were doing. She pulled out her sandwich and took a bite.

She scrolled down. There was a thread going, and she froze when she saw something someone had shared.

It wasn't someone she knew, but they were sharing a photo of her son. Her heart skipped a beat, and she started to change into mama bear mode.

 _Read the post first,_ she tried to calm herself. _Don't jump to conclusions._

The person on Facebook hadn't said much more than _This is so inspiring!_ along with a link to the website. It was called The Connor Project. Hesitantly she clicked on it, and it took her to a new tab. It didn't load fast enough to her liking, but when it finally did, she scrolled up and down in a frantic hurry to find answers.

_The Co-Presidents Evan Hansen and Alana Beck, along with Jared Kleinman, the Treasurer, are proud to announce a fundraiser to bring back Connor's favorite orchard, which was shut down several years ago._

She wanted to believe it was a different Evan Hansen, but there were pictures of him everywhere, along with someone named Connor Murphy. She couldn't realistically come to the fact that there might be more than one Evan Hansen who knew a Jared Kleinman. It was too far-fetched.

She was in the section with the most recent posts. She scrolled down, and found a link to a video, one with her son on a stage. Was he giving a speech? That wasn't like Evan at all.

She completely forgot about college scholarships or her sandwich.  She was almost late to her own shift, but she pulled her act together in time. However, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

She would have to ask Evan about it when she got home. Or maybe even get advice from her boyfriend.

.................

"Jeremy?"

He snapped out of his daze, his eyes becoming focused on Michael and Christine again. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Christine asked him, looking at him quizzically. "You've been really zoned out all day."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't get enough sleep last night," Jeremy said.

They were outside on a set of bleachers. It was the end of the day, but none of them were in a rush to get home. Christine was being driven home, and Michael and Jeremy were in walking distance of the school.

It was a cold day, and the wind didn't help at all with that. Jeremy's arms were wrapped around him, like he was giving himself a hug, and he shivered. No one seemed to be as cold as him.

"Bad dream?" Christine asked sympathetically.

He hesitated before answering. "Yeah."

He could never mention it at his house. His dad might understand, but Evan and his mom sure as heck wouldn't. His friends understood everything that had happened, and might even be struggling with some of the fear he felt.

Except they didn't struggle with the guilt as well.

Christine put her hand on his knee. "I'm sorry."

Jeremy smiled at her. "It's fine. Really. I'll be fine."

That was one downside to Michael; out of all his closest friends, Michael was the only one who actually hadn't had a squip inside of him. He was involved in the whole thing, and he was probably afraid at times, too, but not on the same level as everyone else.

"What's kind of funny, though," Jeremy said, laughing a little. "I mean, it wasn't funny at the time I was being confronted by it, but, um... well, my step-mom apparently went and saw our production of Midsummer's Night Dream..."

Christine blanched as Michael cracked up. "Oh, no...." he said.

Jeremy laughed. "My dad was there to fill in the pieces and back me up. I was terrified she would see something fishy, but she was fine. Just a little weirded out by what we were attempting to do... and what we ended up actually doing."

Christine smiled a little now. "Thank goodness not many people came to that. And a lot of the audience was students and parents."

Christine's ride pulled up, and she stood up. "Gotta go. See you guys tomorrow. Bye, Jeremy." She kissed him on the cheek quickly.

"Bye," Jeremy smiled, waving as she bounded down the bleachers and towards her car.

"Shall we go, Jer?" Michael asked, also standing up and slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

Jeremy did the same and followed Michael. About half of their walk home was together, and then they branched off in separate directions.

When they got a little ways away from the school, Michael said, "You should introduce me to Evan. More thoroughly, this time. Last time on the driveway was kind of.... well, we were going to school."

"You want to meet him? Jeremy asked, more suspicious sounding than he meant to.

Michael stuttered. "Well, I won't if you don't want me to. I just thought, since he's living with you now...."

Jeremy didn't say anything and then suddenly blurted out, "My dad. He's not even married to this woman yet. I keep thinking about it, when are they gonna get married? What's it gonna be like? Or what if they break up? Then it's like I forged this meaningless friendship with their son, and I gave up my room to this random guy for a couple months, and he didn't even end up as him being part of the family."

Michael blinked, and said, "Do you like him? Like, are you two getting along?"

Jeremy nodded. "I think so.... he's keeping secrets from me.... but so am I, so like..."

Michael nodded, processing. "I get that it might be scary to let go.... do you really think your parents are going to break up though?"

Jeremy looked down at his hands. "I'm scared of them breaking up... but then at the same time I'm scared of them getting married."

Michael stopped walking and turned to Jeremy. "Hey. That's perfectly understandable. It's not weird for you to feel torn. You like these new people, but at the same time it feels like they're invading your home. Right?"

Jeremy was staring at Michael's shoes. He nodded.

He was a bit surprised when Michael pulled him into a hug. "I'm here for you. Whenever you need me. I'm not going to abandon you anytime soon. Okay?"

Jeremy pulled back a little and looked at Michael. He smiled and said, "Michael, you really are my favorite person."

They split ways, and as Jeremy walked on, he felt like he was getting smaller and smaller. His hands tightened around the backpack straps.

Afraid of being gay. Afraid of the squip. Afraid of the guilt. Afraid of marriage. Afraid of divorce.

He wished he didn't have to be so scared. He felt useless.

He blinked hard, and kept his head high. If he believed that all these emotions would go away, then they would eventually.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you guys have any ideas on what direction you want this story to take!


	10. Who Was Connor?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy confronts some jealousy issues he didn't know he had. Evan visits the Murphy's home. Heidi comes to Jasper to ask him if he knows anything about The Connor Project

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm so terrible at chapter names. This chapter is all over the place, so I didn't know what to name it.
> 
> ALSO IM SO SORRY THAT THE CHAPTER IS SO LONG. If you guys like long chapters, I'll keep making them, but maybe I'll make them a little shorter? haha im sorry. Just bear with this one long one, I'll make the rest more decent sized lengths.

It was a normal day. They all woke up. Heidi headed off to work early. Jasper still had a little bit of time before he had to leave as well. Jeremy and Evan ate cereal quickly, then Michael came to take Jeremy to school, and Jasper drove Evan to school.

For Jeremy and Michael, it was a short drive to school, but nonetheless they drove every once in a while. However, Michael was doing something different today. He wasn't waiting in the car. He was waiting outside, leaning against the car door, spinning the car keys around his finger.

He had a devilish smile. "Today," he declared, "is the day you learn to drive."

Jeremy face-palmed.

Jeremy was technically old enough to get his driver's license, and he did have a learner's permit... but he never used it. Before the squip, he had been so desperate to learn to drive, but after everything happened, it just didn't feel necessary anymore to get a full-fledged driver's license.

"Michael, we gotta get to school," Jeremy said, trying to back out of it.

"School's not for another half hour, and the school is super close." he stuck out his hand and handed Jeremy the car keys.

"It's not legal if I don't have another adult in the car," he said weakly, but he was already rounding the car to get to the driver's seat.

"Screw legality."

Jeremy took a deep breath, and put his hands on the wheel. He put the keys in the ignition, and the car came to life.

"Now, you want to get onto the road.... be careful with the pedal.... Jeremy, you're going too fast...." suddenly Michael yelled, jumping up a little in his seat.

Jeremy quickly swerved away from the trash can he had almost hit. He growled, but didn't look at Michael, keeping his eyes on the road. "You're making me drive! You don't get to complain when I don't know how to do it!"

They came to a stop sign, and Jeremy slammed down on the brake, making both of their heads tip forwards. Michael glared at Jeremy, and Jeremy glared back.

After a couple minutes of treacherous driving, they parked in the school parking lot. They turned to each other....

....and both burst out laughing.

.......................

After that, Jeremy was actually looking forward to driving some more. It was fun to mess with Michael's head with his terrible driving skills. Plus, it was something he should probably learn how to do anyway.

When the school day was done, Jeremy ran over to Michael's car, where he was waiting. He was beaming, but didn't say anything as he headed over to the driver's seat.

Jeremy slowed down, a little confused. _He didn't say I would drive this afternoon.... I guess I just assumed I would._

Jeremy climbed in on the passenger's side, and Michael started the engine, unable to suppress his smile fully.

"Okay," Jeremy said, starting to smile himself. "What are you so happy about?"

"Hmm?" Michael looked up at him with raised eyebrows. "Oh, nothing."

"Michael?" Jeremy cocked his eyebrow, waiting.

Michael let his smiled grow full now, and he started to back out. "Okay, so, uh.... I got asked out."

Jeremy felt his smile fade a little.

"There was this really cute guy in one of my classes. His name is Keith. He's got dark hair in a mullet- you've probably seen him around." He shrugged a little to himself smiling. "I didn't even know.... I mean, I'm a loser, right? It's weird." he laughed a little, and looked to Jeremy. "So, I think we were gonna go somewhere tonight."

Jeremy didn't want to say he was shocked. That would be rude. Michael was desirable, too. But there was a strange feeling that was washing over him.

Protectiveness?

That was probably part of it, but after a moment, he was able to classify it as jealousy.

_...Of course._

He scolded himself. _You shouldn't feel this way,_ he told himself. _You have a girlfriend, and he doesn't know you're gay, and he's moved on. It's not fair. For him, or for you. Swallow that feeling._

Jeremy tried to swallow it, but it was too big.

"Jeremy?" Michael said cautiously after a moment.

Jeremy blinked and turned to Michael. He plastered on a smile. "I'm really happy for you, Michael. That's awesome!" he laughed a little, "And we always said we'd be single in high school!"

Michael blushed, looking the slightest bit embarrassed. "Well, right now it's only one date. We're not a couple yet, or anything."

"I'm sure you will be soon," Jeremy nodded up and down. "You guys will be great together!"

Michael glanced at him. "Are you sure you're okay? You're acting a little.... weird."

Jeremy thought he was acting normal. Normal enough, at least. However, Michael knew him so well it was hard to let anything get past him.

He didn't want Michael to focus on him, though. Jeremy was just trying to be supportive while swallowing his own emotions. He was happy for Michael. He really was. He wanted Michael to be happy.

So why was the message being portrayed.

Jeremy cocked his head and smiled. "I'm fine, Michael. Just happy for you." he paused before he said, "It'll be interesting to see, since Keith is pretty different from you. You're really happy all the time, and Keith seems kind of emo at times."

Michael looked slightly offended. Jeremy's eyes widened as he realized what he said. "OH! Gosh, Michael, no. I'm sorry. That was rude. What I meant is 'opposites attract.' You know? But I don't know anything."

"You're talking more than usual."

Jeremy blinked. "Huh?"

"Usually you talk a medium amount. But you're talking a lot."

Jeremy furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not allowed to talk a lot every once in a while?"

"I didn't say that. You just seem... off."

"I'm just tired," Jeremy argued, starting to get frustrated. If Michael kept prying, he might crack. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. I don't know why you're reading into me talking so much. I'm just happy for you guys."

"So you say," Michael muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jeremy was starting to look forward to getting home.

"You've said that like, ten times now."

"Am I not allowed to say it?"

"That's not what I said."

"It sure sounded like it. What do you want me to say? Do you not want me to say anything at all, since I'm apparently talking so much? Or do you want me to say, 'I hope your date is awful. I hope nothing goes as planned. I'm jealous of you, so don't have a good time.'"

Michael was silent, and Jeremy realized he _was_ talking to much. They finally pulled up to his house, and he hopped out quickly.

"Michael," he said before going towards his house, "I want you to know I really _do_ want you to have a good time. Even if I was... talking too much, or whatever."

He shut the door and walked towards his house, holding back tears. He was happy for Michael. He really was. But that didn't mean it hurt a little. He was allowed to feel that, right?

.........................

 During lunch break, Heidi drove over to her husband's workplace. The hospital was very close to the office Mr. Heere worked at, and she had an hour off, anyway.

She asked the lady at the front desk where he worked, and after a minute or so, she found him in his office, glancing at his computer screen and eating leftovers she recognized from dinner a couple nights ago.

She knocked lightly on his door, and he came to attention, smiling at her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, pausing whatever he was watching on his computer screen.

She smiled a little. "I was wondering... if I could ask you about something?"

"Of course," he said, turning around in his chair to face her.

She crossed the room, closing the door behind her. "It's about Evan," she said, leaning over her boyfriend to reach the computer. She caught a glance of what he was watching.

"Voltron?" she turned to him with a smile on her face.

He looked a little sheepish, but smiled as well. "Adults watch cartoons as well, Heidi. I told you once I watched them."

"I know, I know," she laughed. "I just prefer dramas."

In the search bar, she typed _the connor project_. She could feel Jasper's curious eyes on the screen.

She clicked on the first thing that came up.

"I was wondering," she said, turning to him, trying to keep her voice from sounding accusing, "if you knew about this?"

He scooted closer to the screen, his eyes narrowing. He scrolled down, and frantically searched through the website, like she had done the day before.

"I didn't have time to ask you about it this morning," she said, trying to keep her voice under control. She was starting to feel distressed. "I had... no idea about this. He told me he broke his arm at work, and then here he's saying he had a best friend... the kid who killed himself. I...." tears came to her eyes, "I didn't think he had any friends. But this is even worse, his only friend killed himself-"

"Hey hey hey hey," Jasper said, jumping up from his chair and grasping her hands in his, trying to calm her down; she was hyperventilating. "It's going to be okay. Think. Evan has friends. I know for a fact he's starting to get along with Jeremy. Have you seen him hang out with other people?"

"He's.... friends with Jared.... with Alana...." she said, starting to slow down.

"See? It's hard to lose a friend that way, but he wasn't Evan's only friend."

"But.... but then why would he lie about this?" she said, still confused. "He told me he broke his arm at work. He _never_ mentioned Connor Murphy to me, not _once_. I'm just.... I'm really confused."

Mr. Heere slowly nodded. "Let's ask him when he gets home this evening. He said he was going to Jared's house after school today when I dropped him off, so he'll be back tonight. And then we can question him. How does that sound?"

Heidi took a deep breath. "Okay. Okay."

"Also, random off topic question that I've been meaning to ask _you_ about," he said, backing up a little. "Marriage....?"

Heidi smiled a little. "Evan and Jeremy are getting along... we're already all living together.... we love each other.... are there other reasons to wait?"

"I don't think so," Jasper said, "but I still feel like we should. Or at least, run it by Jeremy and Evan once more... to make sure they're okay with it."

Heidi nodded. "I thoroughly agree."

Jasper looked at her with love in his eyes, and came back close to her to hug her. "I love you, Heidi Hansen."

She breathed in his scent, feeling relaxed again. "And I love you, Jasper Heere."

.......................

Evan wasn't going home with Jared.

That's what he told his step-dad, but he had lied.

He was getting surprisingly good at that.

After school, Zoe drove him to her house. They hadn't told anyone they were dating yet, but no one questioned it when Evan climbed into her car. After all, Evan was Connor's best friend, and he had to comfort his family.

He had felt almost clingy to the Murphy's at first, and though he still loved them like his own family, he didn't have to as much. He was starting to have his own family.

Zoe glanced over at him in the car. "It feels like we haven't talked in a long time. How have you been?"

Evan glanced over at her, smiling. "I've been good."

"How's your new dad and brother?"

"They're both pretty cool.... it's really weird, though."

"To have these extra people in your house?"

"Actually, _we_ moved in with _them_. So, uh... we probably feel like the 'extra people' to them."

Zoe's eyes widened. "Really? So... you moved?"

"I'm sorry for not telling you..."

"Oh, no, it's okay. I guess I just imagined them moving to your house." she paused for a minute before smiling a little. "Can I still come to your house?"

"No," he said, a little too fast. He expected Zoe to get defensive, but instead she just laughed. Maybe she was testing him.

"Will you _ever_ let me come to your house?" she asked.

"....Maybe?"

She laughed, shaking her head. Then, they were at her house.

"How's The Connor Project going?" Zoe asked. She looked almost reluctant to ask, but Evan couldn't figure out why.

"It's okay.... Jared and I had a disagreement this morning on how it should be run, but we should both be fine by tomorrow."

It was unlike Evan to have arguments. Usually, he didn't argue back, so there was no arguing to be had. But this time, he was just sick of Jared's crap.... he hadn't said anything super hurtful. It was just a squabble. But still; Evan felt a lot meaner than before.

 When Zoe and Evan came out of the garage, the smell of food wafted through the house. Evan breathed in deeply and sighed. His mom was a good cook when she wanted to be... but that wasn't often. However, now that Mr. Heere was helping her out with money, she had a lot more time to cook.

Cynthia came down the hall, her arms outstretched. "Evan!" she said, delighted.

Evan held out his arms in a weak protest, but she saw that as him wanting to hug her back. Evan was not big on hugging, which was one downside to Cynthia; she hugged a _lot_.

"Nice of you to be joining you tonight, Evan," Evan heard Larry say from somewhere in the front room.

"It's nice to be here," he said politely. "I'll ride the bus home at around six thirty?"

"That sounds perfect!" Cynthia said. "You can go upstairs, if you'd like. Dinner won't be ready for a while."

Evan and Zoe headed upstairs. Though Zoe's room was nice, they usually found themselves hanging out in Connor's room. Some of it had been cleared out in the past few months, but most of it remained, like a shrine. Neither knew exactly why they were always in there; but it was nice.

"So," Zoe said, sitting down on Connor's bed, "What's up with you?"

Evan sat in the desk chair, wheeling it around to face her. He smiled a little. "You asked me that in the car."

She laughed. "I know, but I mean it. What's your brother like? His name is.... Jeremy?"

Evan nodded. "He's cool. We're really getting along. He has this sense of coolness wafting off of him that I could never dream of having."

That made Zoe laugh, which made him feel good.

"However," he said, looking down at his sneakers. He contemplated telling Zoe how weird Jeremy had been acting lately, but then decided, if he couldn't trust Zoe, then there was something wrong with the world.

It was a shame Zoe shouldn't be trusting him.

"However," he said again, looking up, "he's been acting kind of weird lately, and I'm worried about him. He woke up in the middle of the night once screaming, and then refused to tell me what his dream was about. I know he's had other nights with bad dreams, because he wakes up with circles under his eyes, but he never says anything. And then his dad talked to me about it, saying how he went through some "stuff" last year," he said, using air quotes. "But know one will tell me what it is. I don't know if it's because they don't trust me. I don't know if my mom knows either. I..." he broke off now, realizing he'd been talking a lot. He shrugged, turning awkward again. "I guess I'm just really worried about him."

"Do you want to feel worried?" Zoe asked, drawing her feet up on the bed as well. "Or do you want to act like you don't care?"

Evan sighed. "Honestly, it might be a little bit of both. I hardly know him that well, but.... we're living together, and it feels like we're friends, you know?"

Zoe paused before saying, "When Connor died, I tried acting like I didn't care. For a while, I honestly thought I didn't care. But over time, I learned it was one of the hardest things I'll ever have to deal with. And I made it even harder by denying it at first." she seemed to stare off into some great distance for a moment before snapping back to reality. "Sorry. This barely has to do with what we're talking about. I guess what my point is, is it's okay to care about something like this... even if it doesn't feel like you care now, or you don't want to care... maybe you'd want to take initiative now, before something bad happens?"

"I don't think he's suicidal," Evan said carefully, hopefully choosing the right words. "But... I think you're right, in a sense."

They smiled at each other, before Evan broke the silence saying, "So has anything been new with you?"

Zoe opened her mouth, and words came out, and they talked back in forth for at least an hour. Eventually, dinner came, and it was delicious. After everyone was done, Evan thanked all of them, and took the bus home.

.........................

Jeremy was hiding in his room from shame. He wanted to call Michael and apologize for his weird behavior earlier, but he could probably do that later. Besides, it was evening time, just the time that Michael said he'd be on a date, anyway.

Jeremy groaned, rolling over to face the ceiling. _Keith Kogane. Dark, mysterious, bad boy. What does he have that I don't Stupid mullet...._

He fell back onto his side and grabbed for his phone and dialed one of his other friends that wasn't Michael. It was Christine.

"Hello? Jeremy?" she said after a couple rings.

"Hey, Christine," he said. Suddenly he was drawing a blank. "Heh... I actually don't know why I called.... just to say hi? What's up?"

He heard Christine laugh on the other end. "That's fine, Jeremy. What's changed with you since we saw each other at school today?"

Actually, a lot had changed. But not really stuff he could talk to Christine about.

He really wanted to, though. He focused on the blanket on his bed, concentrating, but at the same time not thinking about anything at all.

"...Jeremy?"

"Christine, do you ever get jealous of someone, and then think on it and question why the heck you are jealous? Like, you know the basic reason of _what_ is making you jealous, but you don't know _why_ it's making you jealous?"

"I'm not sure I follow...."

Jeremy sat up, trying again. "Okay. Say you... you and Chloe got the same backpack. Yours is blue, but Chloe's is purple, which is your favorite color. And you both have backpacks, and you like your backpack, but you are jealous of Chloe's because it is your favorite color."

Christine hesitated, before saying, "That was an exact scenario in 8th grade."

Jeremy laughed. "You're serious?"

"Deadly. Did you steal that from me? I think a lot of people knew I was jealous of Chloe's backpack."

"I mean, maybe I accidentally stole it from  you.... like, subconsciously."

"Well, to answer your question.... yeah, i do feel weirdly jealous sometimes... but it doesn't control me. I can still think rationally and let people be happy with what they have. Does that help?"

Jeremy sighed. He was almost forgetting what he was trying to relate this back to. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Am I allowed to ask if there's a specific thing you're asking for?" she asked, her voice amused.

He hesitated. _Just tell her,_ he thought. _Even if Michael ends up with a boyfriend, even if you regret it later, and you end up alone in life, just tell her!_

_..._

_I'll tell her later this week. I swear. Sometime this next week. Telling her over the phone isn't the best idea, anyway._

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," Jeremy joked, covering up the long silence.

He could almost hear Christine smirking. "Hmmm... alright, then. Thanks for calling, Jer. Even if you don't know why you called. It's always nice to hear your voice."

"Yours, too." Jeremy smiled. It wasn't a lie.

A moment or so after he hung up, he heard arguing downstairs. He was a little surprised at that. Was his dad arguing with his step-mom?

No... it didn't sound like that.... it sounded like Evan's voice....

.............

Evan came home right when he planned, and right when he told everyone he would come home. So why was his mother and Mr. Heere on the couch? They weren't watching anything. Why did they stand up when he came into the house?

"I'm home on time," he told his mom suspiciously.

She smiled. "Good." She had her arm looped through Mr. Heere's, and she looked a little nervous, as if she was trying to start a discussion.

"Did you... need anything?" he asked, heartbeat starting to pick up speed.

"I saw the strangest thing on Facebook the other day," she said. "Something about the, uh, Connor Project?"

Evan felt his face drain of color.

"And that you're the president?"

Now he had to sit down. He didn't look at them, only at the floor. It might be stained with vomit before this night was done.

"Co-president," he muttered.

"When I asked you," his mother started, her voice shaking a little (Evan could not tell if it was from rage or emotion), "you said that you didn't know him. And then in his speech you said he was your best friend? He was with you the day you broke your arm? You told me your boss drove you to the hospital."

Evan contemplated telling the truth.

 _It's all or nothing at this point. All truth, all lies. Jeremy was an exception._ "Well, I lied, obviously. When I said I didn't know him."

"Why would you lie? What reason is there for you to lie?" His mother broke free from Mr. Heere and stepped closer to Evan. Mr. Heere seemed to shrink back, just being a referee in game between mother and son.

"Why would you _care_? All you do is work, all day, every day."

"I ask you all the time, how has your day been? Also, I'm sorry that I'm trying to support us! If it bothers you so much, at least I have a little more free time now."

"A little? Like, two hours free! What difference does that make?" Evan stood up now. He felt color returning to his face, but a hot color, like red.

"I'm _trying_ , Evan. I'm trying. I'd just like you to talk to me."

"Whenever you want to talk, you either have to go to work or I have to go to school. There's _never_ a good time, mom!"

"Evan, I'm trying!"

"Try harder!"

"I'm your _mother_." she shouted, and the room went silent. Evan was stiff, like if he could be still, he'd just disappear. There were tears in his mother's eyes. "I'm your mother."

There was silence for a moment more, and Evan looked down at the carpet again. "I'm sorry, Evan," she said after a moment. "I'm happy you had a friend. I'm just so sorry he's gone. If you ever want to talk-"

Evan turned around and marched up the stairs, not looking back. He felt anger, but at the same time a deep, welling feeling that if he stayed down there for much longer, he might crack.

...................

The minute Heidi heard the door slam, she burst into tears.

Mr. Heere came over to comfort her, but she waved him away. She didn't want to burden him with her mothering problems.

"I'm fine," she said, trying to laugh as she wiped her tears away. "That went well, huh?"

"Sit with me," Mr. Heere said, patting the space next to him on the couch. Heidi did, continuing to wipe away her tears.

"It's hard to deal with teenagers. Especially like this. They usually get their moods. I've told you about when Jeremy went through some difficult stuff a couple months back... that was a funk we had a while back. It was better for both of us, though, because coming out of it we were a lot closer than before, you know?"

"He never acts like that," Heidi said, sighing shakily. "I'm worried."

"I am, too. You're not alone." He put his arms around her for a moment, and they rocked back and forth gently for a moment. "He'll be okay," he said eventually. "He's going to be okay."

Heidi closed her eyes, trying to let those words sink in, trying to let herself believe them.

..............

Jeremy jumped and looked up when the door slammed. Evan stormed to his side of the room, and almost tripped trying to kick off his sneakers. He practically bounced into his bed, and stared out the window, sulking.

He'd be lying if he obviously didn't eavesdrop on the argument a little. Still, he only heard bits and pieces of the argument. He heard snippets like _Why do you even care_ and then what seemed like the end of the argument, _I'm your mother_.

Of course Jeremy was going to ask. But he decided to give it a couple minutes.

So a couple minutes later, he asked, "Want to tell me what that was about."

"Not really," Evan said, but he whirled around, and explained everything anyway. "My mom and your dad found out about The Connor Project."

"Oh...." Jeremy said, not sure how to feel about that.

"And then me and my mom got into an argument, how she's never around, and she tried to deface it with other logic.... I didn't tell her the truth, though. I want to go tell her I'm sorry, but I don't know how I'd do that. And I just feel really guilty... not for her, but I'm lying to almost everyone I know. Pretty much only two people in the world right now know that I'm lying. It's really lonely, and I feel really, _really_ guilty. I know this lie is helping people, but at the same time, it really needs to stop."

"I'm not going to lie to you," Jeremy said. "Lying was a _terrible_ idea. It's a little too late to look back now, though. I think if I were you, I'd let this lie die out. Don't feed it. Don't kill it. Just leave it alone."

"Alana would say otherwise," Evan grumbled. "She's really persistent. I wouldn't be able to get four hours without her wondering why I'm not helping her out."

Jeremy laughed a little. "I get feeling guilty... I've had my fair share of feeling guilty, too. It sucks." Jeremy swallowed his own insecurities. Evan needed to vent, and he'd done plenty of venting himself. He needed to shut up about his problems and help his brother out.

 "I'm not the best at giving advice," he said. "But if you ever need me, I'm here. To vent to. About stuff. And I'll try and give you advice? For now, it's okay. Your mom will forgive you and love you regardless of whatever happens."

"Doesn't feel like my mom really cares," Evan sighed.

"If she didn't care, you'd be living with your dad, or on the streets. She loves you, Evan. You're blind if you can't see that."

Evan smiled. "Thanks, Jeremy."

Jeremy looked at Evan's left arm, the arm that had been covered with a cast the day they had met. A question started nagging at him, and he wanted to ask it now.

"What was Connor like?"

Evan looked up in surprise.

"I mean, I know you two weren't friends, but... you went to the same school... and you've been hanging out at his house... what was he like?"

Evan looked off into some distance to the right.

"He was.... smart. He read a lot of books, but you wouldn't tell that from looking at him. He had really long hair, and looked really emo. But he has tons of classics on his shelves, along with newer books. He liked a bunch of rock bands, and he was a very good illustrator. He had strong instincts; out of fight or flight, his was fight,"

Jeremy listened, nodding.

"He was.... lonely. He didn't have many friends. I think he had a couple friends in middle school, but they either transferred or got other friends. He was a loner, like I am. And we actually had a lot in common books and movie wise." Evan paused for a moment, reminiscing. "Maybe.... If he hadn't died, we might've actually been friends. Maybe." He looked back at Jeremy.

Jeremy smiled, and Evan, though really not in the mood to do the same, smiled anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm trying something new with this chapter that I haven't tried before.... planning ahead! I actually got a paper and planned out what I would do for this chapter. I don't know if it was obvious, but Anybody Have A Map has been kind of my theme song when I write my stories, because I'm "making it up as I go." However, I'm going to change that, and plan ahead from now on. If that means I don't update write away since I'm planning out the chapter, it's not because I've forgotten about you! It's because I want the chapter to be perfect. Quality over quantity, right? Thanks!
> 
> Also since Evan has his own family in this AU he's not going to get as close to the Murphy's as he did in the musical. He's still going to be like their second son, but he won't be like, sleeping at their house at night like Evan did in the musical. Since he has his own family.
> 
> I'm sorry it's not as good as my other fanfiction so far. Maybe planning ahead will make it better! Good quality content from now on, I promise!


	11. Stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy's nightmares continue. Evan's fundraiser continues. Life continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next two chapters will be a little bit shorter, but just because that's how the story will go, it's how the story is working out. Yep.

_I miss sleep..._

It was three in the morning, and Jeremy was in the bathroom, staring at his gross, tired face. Though he looked and felt like a zombie, he was still working and trying to calm his heart down.

He had another nightmare. Thankfully, he hadn't woken up screaming this time, even though the dream was almost as bad as his previous dreams had been. He remembered lurching forward in the dark, and gasping for air. He looked over at Evan, and watched his chest rise and fall naturally. No harm done. No one was awake this time.

He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had a full night's sleep.

Jeremy groaned a little under his breath, and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear them. It didn't seem to work, though; he was so fatigued that wiping his eyes wouldn't help much.

He didn't feel just tired, though. He felt hot and dizzy, and after a moment, he realized he was leaning on the counter for support. His hand went to his forehead.

_Fever. I won't be able to go to school today. Not that I'm complaining..._

He looked back up at himself in the mirror.

Why was he like this? Why could he not get a decent night's rest? Everyone else had forgiven him. Everything had turned out okay. No one suffered permanent brain damage. Everyone else was afraid, but not nearly on the same level as he was.

He pulled the skin down under his eyes, exasperated. He was so tired, yet his mind never seemed to want to shut off.

Whatever. The adrenaline would be keeping him awake for the rest of the night. It wasn't really a good thing to stay awake when you're sick, but Jeremy would take that over going back to the land of the nightmares. He was either there, or here, in this reality.

............

Evan woke up in the morning and started getting ready for school. There was nothing strange about his routine; he did this every morning. He was a little worried about how he'd interact with his mother, especially after that big fight, but he wasn't the same nervous kid he was a couple weeks ago. He was about to head downstairs when he heard his name.

"Evan?"

He immediately turned to Jeremy, who had turned around in his mess of blankets. Every morning he looked worse and worse, but this particular morning he looked ghastly. Evan never asked what was wrong, since he knew that Jeremy was sensitive about whatever was bothering him, but he was really worried about him. More than he would admit out loud.

"Can you tell my dad I'm taking the day off today?" he said, his voice crackly. "I have a fever."

"Oh." Subconsciously, Evan moved closer to the door. He didn't want to get sick. "Okay. I'll tell him. I hope you feel better soon."

Jeremy smiled weakly. "Thanks," he muttered, and rolled back on his side, facing the window. Evan fled the room.

When he swept into the kitchen, he passed Mr. Heere, who was at the table, and his mother, who was making coffee. He didn't so much as look at her. He felt a little ashamed at the blowout they had last night, and didn't know what he'd say to her in response.

He sat down at the table across from Mr. Heere. "Uh... Jeremy said he's sick, so he'll be staying home from school today."

Mr. Heere blinked, a focused look suddenly dawning across his features. "Oh," he said, setting his book down. "He's sick?"

"Fever, he said."

Mr. Heere nodded, looking to contemplate something. "I'll go check on him really quickly, then I'll call the school and let him know he's staying home," he announced, standing up and heading upstairs.

Evan turned back to his breakfast, wanting to curl in on himself. Not because he was worried about himself, but because he was worried about Jeremy.

_WHAT IS GOING ON?!_

................

"How you feeling?"

Jeremy jumped, and turned his head around to find his dad at the doorway. He was wrapped in a mess of blankets, and slowly started to sift out of them.

"Feverish, but I'll live," he said, trying to stare at his dad with a look that showed that he was all there, even though he wasn't. It felt like there were random parts of him drifting away at times, he was so tired.

His dad sat on the edge of his bed. "You look tired."

"I didn't sleep very well last night."

"Did you sleep well the night before?"

He didn't answer. He was skeptical that his father was onto him- which he probably was.

"What about the night before that?"

Jeremy looked down, as if he were ashamed of not sleeping well. "It's just stress from the big tests that are coming up," he lied. For some reason he felt ashamed of the real reason.

His father stared him down, and Jeremy _knew_ that he knew the truth.

He didn't say anything, though.

"If you ever need to vent, or talk... come to me. Okay?" he asked, smiling. Jeremy smiled back, forcing it.

"Of course."

His dad would understand, wouldn't he? He didn't actually have a squip himself, but he had been pulled into the whole mess near the end. He'd understand. They both had the same thing on their minds.

Still, Jeremy forced a smile.

..............

Jared ended up driving Evan to school that day, and Jared sat in an annoyed silence as Evan ranted about the events of the past day.

Mainly being, his parents finding out about the Connor Project, and then having a huge fight with his mom.

"I mean, I knew she'd find out eventually, but I tried pushing it to the back of my mind, you know? And not planning ahead or anything?"

Jared said nothing, his eyes looking dull.

"And then I felt guilty afterwards, but not guilty enough to apologize... it's really weird, because it's the biggest fight I've ever had with my mom-"

"Sucks for you," Jared cut him off, seeming to have had enough. "Listen, I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry you had a fight with your mom."

Evan rendered something that was literally almost a pout. He tried to think of some snappy comeback, since he seemed to have a lot of those lately, but this time was struck silent.

The past Evan would never even have thought to look through his mind for a snappy comeback.

_I've really changed._

Jared continued. "I wouldn't even have to listen to you rant if you still lived in your old house," he complained. "That was like, two minutes from school. Now you live on the other side of town."

He shrugged. "Not my choice?"

There was a pause in the conversation before Jared asked, "What's he like, anyway? Your new brother? I don't even have siblings."

What the heck? Jared was asking a question? A question that wasn't snarky? Evan was so taken by surprise he forgot to answer.

"Well?" Jared asked. His rudeness was back.

"Oh... well, he's pretty cool, I guess.... he's kind of weird, but-"

"You're kind of weird," Jared said dryly.

"...yeah..."

Evan expected another friendly question, but there were none. The rest of the ride was in silence.

When Evan stepped into school, Alana bombarded him. "Evan!" she breathed out, looking infuriated. "What the heck? You haven't updated on the Connor Project page in forever!"

"I-"

"If this isn't important to you," she said in a tone and body language that made it look that she was about to walk away.

"No, no. Wait. Sorry. I've been busy with... school. I'll post more, I promise."

Alana continued to glare.

"People want to hear what I have to say, anyway. I was his best friend."

He could see Alana suppressing an eye roll. "Of course," she sighed. She turned and marched determinedly away.

Evan suppressed an eye roll himself. "Geez..."

He heard a chuckle, and realized Jared was still standing there. "Sorry... you've just gotten good at lying... and arguing."

"Yeah, so have you," Evan muttered, and headed towards his next class.

Before he could enter the classroom, however, Zoe stopped him. He smiled at her, a little awkwardly, and she did the same.

"Um... my parents were wondering if you wanted to have dinner again with us tonight?" she asked casually, shyly.

"Oh!" Evan nodded, more vigorously than he meant to. "Yeah! Of course!"

"Great." Zoe smiled, and Evan's heart skipped. "I'll see you tonight."

Evan walked into his class, smiling himself. Though he did want to make sure Jeremy was alright, it's not like he wouldn't see him tonight.

...............

_Where were you today?_

It was Christine.

_I was sick... sorry! Could you send me the work we got today?_

A couple minutes passed before a couple of school files showed up in Jeremy's inbox. His phone dinged.

_I hope you feel better soon!_

Jeremy smiled.

_Thanks! I will!_

It was true. Though he was still super tired, he didn't feel as feverish. At this rate, it wouldn't be completely gone by tomorrow, but he'd go to school anyway. It would be fine.

He switched over to the texts he had with Michael. He steeled himself, and texted: _Sorry, I wasn't at school today. How'd your date go?_

Jeremy was a bundle of nerves waiting for the next text. He thought it was silly, but couldn't stop himself. Finally, Michael's face popped up, and indicated he was typing.

_It was pretty good! We were going to go out again sometime. I hope you feel better soon._

_I will_  Jeremy texted back.  _I'm glad it went well._

He took a deep breath to send another text. _I'm sorry about the other day._

He watched Michael type, anxious.

_It's okay. You're stressed out about life. Besides, I've been single for so long. We both have. It's just strange to see the other get a significant other, right?_

Jeremy, swallowed, and laughed a little to himself. He wasn't sure this feeling was just protectiveness, but rather something more. He wished it was just protectiveness, though.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

_Yeah, that's it. I should be back to school tomorrow._

_I hope you feel better soon :)_

_:)_

He heard a hesitant knock on the bedroom door, and looked up. It wasn't Evan, though he was supposed to be home a couple of hours ago, and it wasn't his dad. It was the one person in the house he had barely talked to since they had moved in.

"Hey," Heidi said.

"Hey," Jeremy said back.

"You feeling any better?" she asked, slowly walking into the room. "Do you need any medication, or...? Sorry, I'm a nurse. I'm used to overly caring for people, even if they're not that sick or anything."

Jeremy laughed. "No, it's okay. I, um, took some medicine already, so I should be good. But thanks."

He was lying, but now that he thought about it, taking medicine would probably be a good idea. He would probably need it, if he wanted to go to school tomorrow.

She looked at a loss of words, as if feeling awkward. Jeremy felt awkward as well.

"So, uh, did you know where Evan went?" Jeremy finally asked as casually as possible.

"Hmm? Oh, he, uh, went to his friend's house for a school project." she laughed, possibly a little bitterly. "He's been working on school a lot lately."

Jeremy nodded. He didn't have an exact radar on where Evan was, but he had a feeling he wasn't at his friend's house. Evan had never told him otherwise, but he talked about this Murphy family with a fondness a lot.

_I wonder... his family was small, and kind of broken before. So he feels like they're his family._

_I mean.... we could be a family too. For him. That sounds dumb. Never mind._

His thoughts contradicted each other, and he snapped back to the present. Heidi was looking at him worriedly.

"If you don't mind me saying," she said. "You still look like hell."

Jeremy was used to looking like hell, but hearing someone else make fun of it made it feel a little more lighthearted. He laughed as he said, "I know. Fevers do that, right?"

Heidi smiled as well, and said, "Well, I felt like I should, um, I should tell you... if you ever need a... a mom for something, I'm always here. I don't want to replace your old mom or anything, but... I would like to be a part of your family, so..."

Jeremy's heart softened for this woman. She was awkward, trying to use the right words, just trying to be a mom, and he respected her greatly for that. Sure, Evan complained about her a lot, and he kind of understood his point of view, but all in all, he understood his mother's point of view just as much.

"Well, if you don't mind _me_ saying... my mom's a diva... so, um, feel free to replace her," Jeremy said, laughing. Heidi's eyes grew wide, and she looked a little shocked. Jeremy stared at her quizzically.

"Sorry, sorry," she said, composing herself, but still laughing. "Evan's usually super shy, and never says anything even _remotely_ offensive or outspoken. You're really different from him. Not in a bad way, of course."

"I can see that," Jeremy agreed. "Is Evan still mad at you?"

Her smile faded, and Jeremy felt sheepish. "Oh, sorry, I just... I overheard an argument, but it's none of my business."

She sighed, a little sadly. "No no, it's fine. We were pretty loud, weren't we? I just... Evan's changing, and I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing." she looked at him pointedly now, but still full of kindness. "Did you know about something called The Connor Project?"

Jeremy froze for a split second, not sure what to do. Eventually he decided on, "Um.... I don't- I don't think so....?"

She said, "It seems like he kept it a secret from his entire family. Turns out he was best friends with this boy, Connor Murphy, who ended up committing suicide... I'd never seen them hang out, I'm just..."  she scratched her head. "I'm confused, is all."

Jeremy wanted to get on a different subject as fast as possible. "Even though you had an argument," he said, "doesn't mean he stopped loving you. I know he still loves you."

Heidi smiled, and headed towards the door again. "Thanks, Jeremy. I hope you feel better soon. I'll... talk to you... around...?"

Jeremy laughed, understanding her awkwardness. "Yeah."

...........

A week passed.

The fundraiser was still going on, but Evan was forgetting all about it. Alana kept getting on his back about it. He was spending dinner at the Murphy's every night now, and they had become his first priority family-wise.

However, when he got home, he always said hello to Jeremy. They hadn't held a conversation in a while, but it was supposedly for the best. They didn't have to be the best of friends, but tolerable enough to live together, until Evan graduated.

Speaking of which, Evan still had no clue which college he was going to. His future for colleges was seeming more sparse and dire. He'd been trying not to focus on that, though, since he had the Connor Project to worry about.

Evan never ignored Jeremy, though. He was getting more and more worried about Jeremy by the day. He hadn't screamed in his dream for a long time, but sometimes he heard him moving around in the middle of the night.

_Please, tell me what's causing you to have so many nightmares... there's obviously something very wrong._

Every morning Jeremy woke up looking more and more run down, but every time Evan asked Jeremy would smile and say "I'm fine."

Jeremy, the day after he took the day off, went back to school, still with a mild fever. He looked gross, and Michael and Christine tried to make him go home, but he refused.

"Jer, you aren't looking good these days," Michael said when they were waiting to go home.

"You know, you can tell us if something's wrong," Christine said, patting his knee.

Jeremy suppressed an eye roll. "I really wish you guys would stop asking me that," he said. "I'm _fine_."

He didn't need people worrying about him after the things he put them through. Besides, eventually he would be fine if he kept telling himself that he was.

He walked home in a tired daze, and Michael said, "I wish you wouldn't lie, Jeremy."

"I just didn't sleep well last night."

"When was the last time you slept well?"

Jeremy didn't answer. He had stopped walking and was staring ahead of him in a thousand-yard stare.

"Jer?"

He squinted his eyes; he was so tired he almost couldn't see his own hallucination.

Of course he was hallucinating the squip. It walked closer, standing next to Michael, and Jeremy tensed, backing away slowly, as if leading the squip away.

_Don't hurt him. Follow me._

He thought he saw Michael's lips moving, but he was focused on his own imagery. Somewhere deep inside of him new this wasn't real, but he was too tired and vulnerable to have that information get to the top of his brain.

Finally, the squip came forward and grabbed him by the wrists, shaking him. Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry.

When he opened them, Michael was standing where the squip had been.

"Dude, you look like you've seen a ghost."

He kind of did.

Jeremy shook his head. "I'm fine," he said, marching forwards once more, and almost tripping because he was so tired he almost couldn't get his legs to function.

"You were seeing something that wasn't real, weren't you? Jeremy, you need help-"

"Can you stop?" Jeremy didn't turn to Michael, but continued on his march. "I'm tired. I went through stuff. It's normal. I'm not that bad. I can deal with this on my own!"

"It's not bad to ask for help." Michael finally was able to stop Jeremy and look him in the eyes. "Hey, I'm here for you. You know that. So why aren't you saying anything?"

Jeremy shrugged away. "Because there's nothing to say."

They came to the part of their walk where they split off because their houses were in different directions. Jeremy ran towards his house, trying to stay awake. Of course he would, though.

...............

Meanwhile, Evan was getting closer to Zoe and the Murphy's. He got home extremely late, and found Jeremy conked out, asleep already. He smiled, glad he wasn't awake, and went to sleep himself.

................

Of course, that peace wouldn't last.

The house was woken up by a scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know if people are still reading, but I'm updating still because I want to lol
> 
>  
> 
> :P


	12. And Then I Got A Squip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All are woken up by a loud scream, and soon find it to be Jeremy's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this isn't released on Sunday. It's a little bit shorter of a chapter, but my family was nagging me and it was annoying.
> 
> Spring break for me is over, and I am ALREADY DYING.

It was the same scream Evan had woken up to before, and though his heart pounded in confusion for a second, deep down he knew Jeremy was having another nightmare.

He had woken him up before, he could wake him up again. But some deep instinct in him was telling him this nightmare was worse than his last one.

He ran across the room again, and started shaking him. Shaking him didn't do much, since he was already thrashing around so much, but he tried anyway. "Jeremy! Jeremy, wake up. You're having a nightmare!" Evan was not one to give encouraging words out (even though Jeremy probably couldn't even hear him at the moment), but he was really trying. "Jeremy!"

The screaming and thrashing stopped for a moment, and Evan held his breath, hands still on his shoulders. _Maybe it was just a passing nightmare, and there's good dreams for him now._

_These aren't nightmares, they're night terrors. This isn't healthy._

He continued to hold his breath, and just when he thought the nightmare had passed, the thrashing started back up again... and the screaming followed.

"No no no no!" Evan tried shaking him again, starting to shout. His parents would definitely be up by now.

_Since when did I start thinking of him as my dad?_

_Now's not the time, Evan!_

"Jeremy, you're going to wake your parents up!" Evan said, shaking him really hard now. It wasn't as hard as he could, because Evan was still holding back. He didn't want to be overly rude.

It was far too late for regrets for waking parents up, though. A couple seconds later, the door swung open, and they both stormed into the room.

"What's going on?" his mother asked, making eye contact with him. Now wasn't the time for any grudges from any arguments, either.

Evan backed up a little as the two parents scooted closer. "I'm not completely sure... he's had nightmares like this before, he woke me up screaming once before... he hasn't slept well either... I don't-" his words were a jumbled mess, and he wasn't even sure if they were listening or not. Both eyes were trained on Jeremy.

His dad knew what was causing this. His mom was a nurse. They could help him. He hung back, waiting for some kind of miracle.

_Please, wake him up. Calm him down. I don't know what's happening, but please just get him out of whatever he's in right now._

They started with the same thing he did; shaking him awake.

"I tried that," he couldn't help but say. "I don't know if I did it hard enough, or...."

Mr. Heere was shaking him a lot rougher than Evan had, but even though it wasn't super gentle, it would probably do the trick.

"Jasper, has this been an occurring thing over the years?" His mother said, in nurse mode.

"I'll explain everything in a minute," he said, and Jeremy's eyes finally snapped open.

Evan was hoping that when Jeremy finally woke up, everything would resort back to calmness. They'd sort everything out, and they'd all go back to bed. Not much had changed from Jeremy being asleep to Jeremy being awake, though. The screaming had stopped, but Jeremy's eyes were wide, darting around in a panicked frenzy, and he was breathing way too hard.

"Jeremy, look at me. Jeremy?" Mr. Heere said. His hands were still on Jeremy's shoulders firmly. Jeremy didn't seem to hear him, seeming to breathe harder.

"Panic attack," his mother said, her eyes flicking over to Evan for the smallest moment. "Jeremy, I need you to breathe. In and out."

Evan blinked as he realized something. His mother was a nurse, but she had never really experienced how bad panic attacks could get, and neither, did it seem, had Jeremy's dad.

Evan knew them very well. He knew how it could feel the world was pressing down on him, how he couldn't breathe, how nothing seemed right or solid.

He knew _exactly_ how Jeremy felt right now. This was his area or expertise. And through his own panic at the situation, he needed to calm Jeremy down.

He stepped forward, and kneeled in between his parents, letting them know he was going to try and help, too.

"Jeremy," he said, quietly but firmly. He took Jeremy's hands in his own. "We're trying to help you, okay? You're going to get through this. I need you to look at me first, okay?"

......................

He felt like he was going to die. He didn't know what was happening. He could feel someone's hands on his shoulders, he could hear voices, but he had no idea what was happening.

Everywhere he looked, he thought he saw remnants of the squip, floating and laughing at him.

They were going to kill him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to escape whatever void he was in. He felt like he was going to fall over.

He heard his name over and over, and eventually the name made sense, and so did the voice. His eyes darted around, and he found hands holding his, and he found Evan, talking to him softly.

"You're going to get through this, okay? I need you to breathe. Take a deep breath."

Evan's voice still sounded so far away. And Jeremy wasn't even sure if he remembered how to take a deep breath.

"I know," Evan said, as if reading his thoughts. "I know it's hard. You know how to, though. Fill your lungs, and then empty them. in and out. In and out."

He kept his eyes locked on Evan's, and Evan looked right back at him. He had lived with Evan for long enough now to know he hated eye contact, so why was he so good at it now?

In fact, Evan looked more focused and sure and determined than he had ever seen him, and that grounded Jeremy even more. He almost lost track and time of his breathing a couple times, but with Evan demonstrating it for him, he was mostly on track.

"Good, you're doing great, Jeremy." This time it was Mrs. Hansen's voice. He felt a hand on his knee, and knew it was his father.

He was still looking at Evan, and Evan gave him a small smile, one Evan didn't use very often.

His eyes blurred with tears.

..................

It took several minutes, but Evan, with the help of the two adults beside him, returned Jeremy to normal. He smiled at Jeremy a little, and they all told Jeremy what a great job he was doing.

Through eye contact, he saw tears come to Jeremy's eyes, and one slipped out. He ripped his hand away from Evan's to wipe it away, but it was no use; more kept coming until he was a sobbing, choking mess.

And at this point, only Jeremy's dad understood why he felt that way. He rose onto the bed and hugged his son tight as Evan and his mother backed up. Jeremy hid his face in his father's shoulder, and sobbed, his breath coming fast again, but this time it wasn't as out of control.

Evan and Heidi looked to each other, and both shrugged. Both were extremely confused as to why he had been feeling this way the past few weeks- or months.

It was time they were given an explanation.

All of them were in silence except for Jeremy's muffled crying, and Mr. Heere's soothing noises, which weren't exactly words.

"Why haven't you told anyone how bad this was getting?" Mr. Heere finally asked in a low voice, pulling away. Jeremy wiped away the last of his tears, hiccuping.

His only answer was a shrug.

"Evan," Heidi said in a low voice, enough so that only he would hear, "could you lend some of your Ativan to Jeremy? To help calm him down?"

Evan nodded, and headed to his bedside drawer to grab some. He crossed the room once more, and handed Jeremy a water bottle and some Ativan.

"Thanks," Jeremy said, not looking him in the eye; probably embarrassed.

Mr. Heere cleared his throat after a couple seconds, and said, "I think Jeremy needs to take the day off of school tomorrow. In the morning, I guess we'll discuss how to, uh... deal with your nightmares best?"

Jeremy nodded, still looking down.

"I'm going to go explain to Heidi, and I think you need to explain to Evan. About what's been going on. Okay?" Mr. Heere muttered to Jeremy. He was definitely not happy about it, but he nodded anyway.

"I love you," he said, patting Jeremy on the knee.

"Thank you," Jeremy said, looking him in the eyes this time. Mr. Heere smiled, and came to grab Evan's mother.

"I owe you an explanation," he said to her, and he turned to Evan, "and Jeremy will explain to you."

Evan didn't want to show how happy he was to finally get a reason for why Jeremy was so freaked out. After the parents exited the room, Evan sat cross legged in front of Jeremy's bed. Jeremy still refused to look at him.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," Jeremy said, his voice raspy. He had swallowed some of the Ativan, so he was already calmed down a lot.

"Don't apologia," Evan said. "I want to see that you're okay. And what might help with that is if you explain, and get if off your chest."

Jeremy took a deep breath. "Okay... it's going to sound.... ridiculous. Do you promise to believe me?"

Evan nodded, looking at him intently to show that he meant it. "I promise."

Jeremy exhaled shakily, and started. "Okay... so, it started at the beginning of this year...."

................

"...and that's why Jeremy's been so freaked out," Mr. Heere said, finished explaining.

Heidi blinked, and took a moment to process the story. Both were lying in the bed they shared, propping up their head with their hands.

"So, you're telling me, that there was a supercomputer inside of your son's brain?" she said slowly.

Jasper sighed. "I know it's really hard to believe, that's part of the reason we hid it. Plus, Jeremy _really_ did not want to bring it up, so I respected his wishes..."

"No, I can believe it. You don't have to worry about that. I just- a supercomputer inside someone's brain? I didn't think we were that advanced yet! That's actually cool!" she laughed a little.

Now it was Jasper's turn to blink in surprise. "Heidi, the squip was _evil_."

Heidi chuckled a little. "No, I know. I just wasn't expecting things like that to _exist_ yet." she looked at Jasper's confused face for a moment before clearing her throat. "Anyway... I do believe you. I just... I understand you wanted to respect Jeremy's wishes in hiding it, it's just... do you not trust me?"

"Heidi, no, of course that's not it," Jasper said, sitting up. "Jeremy was really upset about the whole thing and wanted to leave it all behind, and I wanted to respect that, right? It's not that I didn't want to tell you both, I really _did_ want to tell you."

Heidi sat up as well, exhaling. "I'm sorry... I do believe you in that regard... I just, I want to be helpful in any way I can, and understanding. I'm extremely tired now, but... if there's _anything_ I can do..."

Jasper nodded, hugging his girlfriend. "Of course. I think we're going to need pills to help with anxiety, or getting to sleep, and that kind of stuff, at least for a while. And maybe we could get some from the pharmacy in the near future?"

Heidi smiled. "Of course. Thank you for telling me in the end... even if it was your son's screaming that propped you to tell me."

Jasper laughed, and they kissed. All secret hiding was forgiven.

..............

"So..." Evan paused for a minute, frowning. "You had an evil supercomputer inside your brain called a squip that tried to take over the world?"

Jeremy's face was red with shame, and he pulled his knees up to his chest.

"No, wait, no! No judgement, it's just, I'm trying to understand... that's what happened? And everyone's okay?"

Jeremy nodded. He hadn't looked at Evan since his panic attack.

"I know it was evil and stuff, but that's kind of cool, that computers in people's brains exist. I always imagined that being purely science fiction-"

" _Not_ helping, Evan."

Evan cleared his throat. "Sorry."

They sat in silence for a few moments, before Evan mustered his courage, and took a deep breath. He needed to comfort him better than what he was doing.

He sat on the bed beside Jeremy. "Is the Ativan helping at all?"

Jeremy nodded, still staring at the floor from in between his knees. "Yeah. Thanks."

"So," Evan said, awkwardly kicking at the floor. "That's where all this anxiety is coming from?"

Jeremy didn't answer at first, and Evan patiently waited for a response, knowing these things took time. Finally, Jeremy responded.

"I keep seeing it everywhere; in the bathroom reflection, when I'm walking home from school, _especially_ in my dreams," he complained. "Other people had a squip, too. Rich had a squip for at least a year, and his actually influenced him to burn a house down. But he's fine. So why am _I_ freaked out. It doesn't make sense."

"Hey, these things don't usually make sense," Evan said softly. "Anxiety can show up at random. Some people get it really intensely, and some people are lucky and don't have much in their life. I guess... we're the unlucky ones?"

Jeremy finally looked up at Evan. "So... you believe me? You don't think I'm crazy? You don't think it's weird, and you're not going to like, tell all your friends or anything?"

"Goodness, no," Evan said. "To that last part, anyway. Yes, of course I believe you. And I'm not going to leave or anything. Sure, it's _weird_ , but not like, ridiculous, and I can't believe it. You know?"

Jeremy's eyes darted to the side. Evan decided to tell him what had been on his mind the last couple days.

"I've been really worried about you," he started slowly. "I knew something was off, and I just wanted you to be okay... and it was a little weird, feeling like I had this loyalty and worry about a guy I hadn't known for very long. But it's... I know,  it's weird. We're not going to be in the same room forever... not very long at all, actually. But I already feel like you're my brother?"

Jeremy looked at him again.

"It sounds cheesy, I know. But it's how I've been feeling." He scooted closer, and took one of Jeremy's hands. "I love you, Jeremy. I just want you to know that, and that I'm here for you. So... yeah. Sorry, I'm no good at comforting people-"

He was cut off by Jeremy hugging him tightly.

"I love you too, Evan," he said, his voice wobbling a little. "I feel the same way. Thank you for calming me down after the... panic attack," he said. "I see you as a brother, too. I'm so thankful that you're here right now, calming me down."

"Whenever you need calming down, I'll be there to help you out," Evan assured him. "I'll be happy to help."

They pulled away, smiling at each other. Hands were intertwined.

They sat like that for a couple seconds before Evan said, "I'll grab some more Ativan for you. It'll help you have a good night's rest, and don't worry about waking up early, because you'll be missing tomorrow."

Evan grabbed his Ativan bottle and put it on Jeremy's nightstand. He smiled at his brother again and said, "Things aren't going to get better immediately. Give things time. You have friends and family who love you."

He crossed back to his bed.

"I love you, Evan."

"I love you too, Jeremy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it weird I like writing about people in pain? haha it's kind of gruesome, isn't it?
> 
> It's pretty cheesy, huh? haha
> 
> the chapter, that is


	13. Recovery Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on. Jeremy starts using Evan's meds, and starts on the slow road to feeling better and getting rid of the PTSD. Evan slowly starts to warm back up to his family. Jeremy and Evan discuss hosting a movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE!! I didn't mean to have such a long hiatus, the last two weeks have been crazy! Well, at least I'm here now!! Plus it was like this big deal chapter. Anyway, Enjoy this chapter!!
> 
> I really am sorry about the long hiatus it has been crazy I've had testing and auditions and... yeah. Super super sorry!

Evan woke up in the morning, feeling more tired than usual. He remembered why when he remembered waking up in the middle of the night to help calm Jeremy down.

Still facing the ceiling, he craned his head to look across the room at Jeremy, who was out cold. Hopefully the meds were helping give him a restful night for once.

_I love you, Jeremy. I just want you to know that, and that I'm here for you._

Evan felt his face heat up. Had he actually said that?

_I love you too, Evan.... I feel the same way. Thank you for calming me down... I see you as a brother, too. I'm so thankful that you're here right now, calming me down._

And he had said it back...?

Evan took a deep breath and started to get ready for school, pushing it out of his mind.

The school day was, as most school days are, uneventful.

Near the end of the lunch break, Evan was heading to the library to drop off a book he had been reading, when he heard his name and turned to see Zoe running towards him.

"Hey," Zoe beamed. Evan beamed back. They hadn't come public about their relationship yet, but no one questioned it when they saw the two together. After all, he was "best friends" with her dead brother.

"Want to come over for dinner again tonight?" she asked without hesitation. It had become a normal thing.

Evan was about to open his mouth to accept, but hesitated. Sure, he loved the Murphys, but he probably needed to stay with his own family tonight. Jeremy probably needed him, and even if he didn't he _wanted_ to stay with Jeremy.

"I'm sorry... My step brother... I think.... I think I should eat with my own family tonight? I'm sorry-"

"Oh, no, of course! It's fine," Zoe said.

"No, I'm really sorry. I promise, I'll eat with you guys next time, I just feel like I should spend time with my family. I think they need me tonight, so... I don't know, but I'll eat with you-"

"Evan." That tone always stopped Evan from rambling. Her eyebrows were raised, and she looked amused. "You don't have to apologize. You have your own family too. My mom's just kind of in love with you. If it were up to me, you'd never come over for dinner." she smirked.

Evan felt his face flush. "Oh."

"Wait, no no no! Sorry, I meant that as a joke! Ugh." Zoe face-palmed. "Sorry, I was trying to play hard to get or whatever, but that was probably rude. Anyway, you don't need to apologize for eating with your family. I promise, okay?" she smiled.

Evan exhaled, smiling a little. "Okay."

..........

Jeremy's day was full of sleeping.

Evan's meds were helping a lot. He slept soundly for the first time in a long time. When he finally woke up, it was three in the afternoon, and he felt rested enough.

He got out of bed and stretched, sighing. Evan would probably be coming home from school soon. How would that interaction work? Both of them had been extremely cheesy in the middle of the night. They probably said certain things because they were both tired.

He picked up his phone and opened the messages he had missed. Mostly from his friends asking him where he was. He responded to all of them, simply saying he was taking a mental health day, and left it at that. He was too tired for description.

Michael mentioned he was going on another date with Keith, but he was still too drained to really be jealous or protective. He simply responded with, _Cool._

Before he could head downstairs, he heard a knock on the door. "Yeah?"

It was his dad. "How are you feeling?"

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

His dad shrugged, entering the room. "I'm allowed to take days off as well." There was silence before he asked, "Are you okay?"

Jeremy paused before nodding. "I've been better... but yeah. I'm okay... sorry."

"Don't apologize," He said, inching closer. "I'll be here for you, and I'm not going to be burdened by you or anything... come to me for anything, okay?"

Jeremy nodded. "Okay."

He heard his father exit the room. Jeremy sighed. Yes, he felt better, but he didn't feel okay yet. He stared up at the ceiling and tried to zone out, close his eyes, maybe fall asleep again...

His nerves got the better of him, and he opened his eyes a couple seconds later, his heart thumping. He probably would need the meds again if he wanted another good nap.

At the time being, he was too lazy to move.

He stared up at the ceiling for about half an hour, until he heard Evan's footsteps enter the room.

"Weird question," Evan said, sounding more energized than usual. Jeremy craned his head to see Evan sitting on his bed, facing him.

"Tomorrow is Friday. And then there is Saturday. How would you like to throw a movie party?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeetus fetus
> 
> sorry the chapter was so short im still getting back into the groove of things


	14. Dinner & A Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The musical family has a dinner that feels warmer than usual for the first time in ages. Jeremy and Evan plan to throw a movie party, having all their friends meet one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry if this sucks

Evan had no idea why he wanted to throw a party, for the first time in his life. But riding the bus to a stop, and then walking the rest of the way, he suddenly had a strange urge that came out of nowhere that he should throw a party.

Jeremy looked a little surprised as well, but he smiled when Evan asked him.

"That sounds nice, Evan."

"Wait- Really?" Evan blinked in surprise. "I mean, it's perfectly fine if you don't want to."

"No, it's not that," Jeremy said. "A movie party might..." he exhaled. "Take my mind off of things, you know?"

"Okay, if you're sure..." Evan said, and Jeremy nodded.

"I'm sure."

After that they fell into an awkward silence. Neither really wanted to bring up what had happened the night before, when they both said "I love you."

Jeremy certainly wasn't going to say anything; he kept glancing at random things around the room. Evan felt he should say something, even if he didn't address the elephant in the room. Evan finally opened his mouth.

"So..."

"Evan, can you come down here, please? And set the table?" his mother's voice came up the stairs.

Evan sighed. "Yeah," he yelled back, and said to Jeremy, "I guess dinner's gonna be ready soon, huh?"

Jeremy smiled. "I'll see you down there in a couple minutes."

Evan headed downstairs to find his mom waiting.

After their argument the other day, they had barely talked, much less made up. They might have made up sooner, but Jeremy's panic attack in the middle of the night had thrown both him and her out of sorts.

Heidi handed her son a couple plates and asked, "How is he doing?"

"Oh. Jeremy?"

Heidi smiled. "Who else?"

Evan started to nod, setting plates around the table. "Yeah... he's doing fine. I think my medicine is helping him a lot, though..."

Heidi nodded, and looked down at her shoes, awkwardly setting a fork beside the plate her son had just put down. "And you're sure you don't need your meds anymore?"

Evan shrugged. "I've been fine."

"I'm glad. That's good." she didn't sound that glad though, more cautious than anything. Finally she looked up, and looked at her son. "About the other day-"

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"I'm really sorry for yelling-"

"I'm okay. It's okay. I don't care." Evan shrugged and smiled. "It's behind me now."

Heidi's shoulders sank in relief a little. "Okay. That's good," she said, laughing a little.

Evan smiled at her, saying another "It's okay," before continuing with his job. The air had cleared a little, though.

Evan also knew he should apologize as well. He had probably been more of a jerk than his mother had been. But somehow, for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to.

............

Jeremy was texting his friends about a movie party at his house on Saturday when his dad came in. "You ready for dinner?"

Jeremy smiled. "I'll be down in 30 seconds."

Mr. Heere gave a thumbs up, awkwardly shifted in the doorway for a couple seconds, before smiling and saying "Cool," and starting to turn around.

Jeremy bit his lip. "Dad."

His dad turned back around.

"You can act normally... you know that, right? I'm fine. I will be. And... yeah. It's okay."

Mr. Heere smiled sadly at his son. "I just want you to be okay."

"And I will be," Jeremy said, standing up and passing him, smirking a little. "As soon as you act normally."

He heard his dad chuckle behind him.

Jeremy tromped down the stairs, where there was food laid out.

It felt like they had been putting a lot of pressure on this dinner, just because it was their first dinner as a family, and they felt a lot closer after last night. Plus, the dinner itself _was_ kind of fancy.

Imagine almost like Thanksgiving, but not quite.

"Wow, this is... a lot of food," Jeremy said as he sat down.

Evan's mom laughed. "Yeah, sorry... you know those nights when you just want to make a lot of food?"

Jeremy slowly shook his head. "I never make food, so..."

Heidi laughed. "True, true..."

Mr. Heere scooched into a table beside Jeremy, across from Evan. Heidi sat at the head. "Shall we start?" Mr. Heere said a couple seconds after he sat down.

Evan nodded, and immediately started reaching for the green bean casserole. Jeremy reached for the mashed potatoes.

Heidi looked at her son in mock disappointment. "I only made green bean casserole because Evan loves it. I personally don't."

"You're weird," Evan said with his mouth full.

"Sorry, Heidi, but I have to agree with Evan on this one," Mr. Heere said, laughing as he waited his turn to serve himself some of the casserole. "Green bean casserole is amazing."

"YES! _FINALLY_ someone understands!" Evan said, cheering. He was shocking himself today. Usually he was not so outspoken, and usually he did not have ideas to host parties.

Jeremy honestly did not like it either. Mr. Heere high-fived Evan enthusiastically while he and his step-mom gave confused looks across the table.

They fell into silence for a moment as the family ate the food on their plates hungrily.

"So..." Mr. Heere said after a moment. "How was everyone today?"

Evan shrugged. "School is school." Then he suddenly fell silent again, as in fear of if they'd ask about the Connor Project.

But they didn't want to talk about Connor any more than he did, so they stayed off the topic of conversation, and so did Evan and Jeremy.

"I slept mostly," Jeremy said.

"How'd you sleep?" Heidi asked, concerned.

"Amazing." he turned to Evan. "Thanks for lending me your Ativan."

Evan smiled. "No problem."

Soon, they ended up talking about the food, then they ended up talking about TV shows, and their conversation drifted from one random topic to another. All were still sitting at the table and laughing long after they were all full.

"Well," Mr. Heere finally said, standing up. "This was definitely a second Thanksgiving."

They all laughed, and stood up as well. It was time to clear up for the night.

...............

Jasper and Heidi had cleaned up the kitchen table and done the dishes, and Jeremy and Evan had long since gone to bed. They sat next to each other on the couch, both feeling fat but contented.

Heidi stretched out and sighed, unable to conceal her smile. "It's gonna work.  I know we've already said that, but I really think this can work."

"I think so too," Jasper said, leaning into her. "Evan and Jeremy get along, we get along, and now we know that we all get along together at the same time."

Heidi leaned towards her boyfriend. "Soo... does this mean...?"

Jasper smiled, leaning down towards her. "I think it's for certain. All we need now is the official proposal."

Heidi kissed him and hugged him, feeling happier than she had felt for a very, very long time.

For once, she was lucky.

.............

Jeremy, like Evan, was filled with a random determination that came out of nowhere as they were walking up the stairs. Once they got into Evan's room, first, though, he asked, "Can I borrow some more Ativan?"

"Of course. You don't even have to ask." Evan grabbed the bottle of medicine and handed it to Jeremy. "Just keep it. I don't need it."

Jeremy nodded in gratitude, and popped some pills into his mouth, waiting for relief to come down. Before it did, however, he forced out the question; the elephant in the room.

"Did we mean what we said the other night? Did you mean it?"

He saw Evan turn around, and knew that Evan knew what he was talking about. "The... the 'I love you' thing?"

Jeremy nodded.

"Did _you_ mean it?"

Well, frick. Jeremy wasn't expecting that. But Jeremy still did know the answer, even if he was shy about saying it out loud. Somehow, he pushed it past his lips anyway.

"Yes, I think I did mean it. I did mean it. Yes."

Evan's eyes softened, and he relaxed. "I meant it too."

"You're not just saying that?"

"I'm not just saying that."

Jeremy sighed outward, the Ativan taking effect on his body, but that wasn't the only reason he felt relieved now.

"That's good to hear," he said, smiling at his step-brother. "I, uh, on a different note, invited my friends to the movie thing."

Evan's eyes widened. "Crap, I have to do that. Thanks for reminding me!"

"No problem, Evan." Jeremy rolled over, feeling tired all of a sudden. "You're no problem at all."

..............

Friday was uneventful.

Then came Saturday; movie day.

Jeremy and Evan both decided to watch Infinity War before Endgame came out. However, the party was purposefully scheduled longer than the movie so that everyone could mingle before and after.

Jeremy's friends were, naturally, the ones to show up first, since they lived much closer than Evan's friends did. Evan was too worried about his friends showing up to socialize with any of Jeremy's.

Evan's friends showed up. He didn't have as many as Jeremy, but it was okay nonetheless.

"Hey," Zoe said with a smile, and kissed Evan when she walked inside the house.

"Hey," Evan said, smiling back. As he led her into the house, he caught his mom looking at them with a bewildered expression.

_I am in huge trouble later._

"Okay, so introductions," Jeremy announced when Evan's friends entered. "This is Michael, Christine, my girlfriend, Brooke, Rich, Jake, Chloe, and Jenna."

Evan made eye contact with Jeremy, quickly looked at Michael, and looked back at Jeremy, raising his eyebrows. He smiled as he watched Jeremy's face flush.

Jeremy cleared his throat. "Er, Evan, your friends' names are...?"

"Umm... this is Zoe, _my_ girlfriend, Jared, and Alana... yeah."

"Nice to meet everyone!" Alana said, waving and beaming a dazzling smile.

Zoe leaned in to Evan and muttered, "I think she's glaring at me, that one girl... Chloe?"

Sure enough, Chloe was giving Zoe dagger eyes. Heaven knows why, thought Evan. Probably some girl drama he would never understand.

Then people started to mingle. They decided to start the movie in about half an hour, then watch the movie, giving another half hour to talk after the movie was done.

Jeremy was looking around at everyone meeting everyone else, thinking that the hard work of buying snacks had led to something. Then he found Christine and Michael on either side of him.

"You okay, Jer?" Christine asked, reaching for his hand. "You missed school the last two days."

"Mental health days," he explained. "I never really took any time to recover from the whole... squip thing, and it got to a really bad point, so uh... yep. I'm okay now, though. I'm dealing, I'll be back at school on Monday."

"We're here for you, Jer," Michael said, smiling. "If you need anything, we're here. We love you, Jeremy."

Jeremy smiled and nodded, allowing that sentence to be over-analyzed in his brain.

Christine stood by his side, but Michael walked off to one of Evan's friends, a guy in glasses by the name of Jared. He started up a conversation, and he watched as Jared looked bored, than slowly more and more interested. They went off into a corner to geek out, and Jeremy smiled a little.

However, his eyes crossed the room to find Evan flustered. He beckoned for him to come over.

"Why did I have the idea to throw a party..." he said starting to freak out.

"Hey, it's okay," Jeremy said. "What's wrong?"

Evan pointed to one area, and found that Chloe was picking a fight with Evan's girlfriend. "What the- what is happening there?"

Evan shrugged, sighing. "Some girl drama I will never understand."

Jeremy was about to go tell Chloe to back off, but then Zoe started defending herself as well. They were both being jerks to each other. Jeremy sighed, and Christine laughed beside them a little.

Evan leaned forward to look at Christine. "So you and Jeremy are dating?"

She beamed. "Yep!"

Jeremy looked over at Evan coldly. Evan bit his lip and smiled, but leaned back in the couch.

After a couple minutes, Jeremy finally stood up and said, "Let's start the movie."

So they put the disc in, opened up the snacks, and leaned back to relax. Zoe cuddled up against Evan, and Christine and Michal sat on either sides of Jeremy. They all laughed at funny commentary that was being dealt out. Apparently Rich had a lot to say about this movie.

"Was Chloe being mean?" Evan whispered in the middle of the movie to Zoe.

Zoe shrugged, still facing the movie. "Yeah... it's okay, though. We're just really different, and I yelled back... I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to apologize. It's okay," he whispered, and she sighed, sinking back into him.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the couch, Jeremy was asking Michael, "You're friends with Jared now?"

Michael beamed. "We exchanged numbers, so we might hang out sometime. In a no homo way, you know?"

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah."

They finished the movie, and Jenna shouted out, "WHERE THE H*LL IS ENDGAME?!" Brooke was the first one to burst out laughing, and the rest followed suit.

There was still half an hour left in the party, so mingling began again. Jeremy got up from the couch, and headed for the kitchen to get some water. Michael ended up following him.

"How are things with Keith going?" Jeremy asked, filling up a cup at the fridge.

Michael shrugged, looking a little nervous. "Fine? He's a little emo, though, and I don't know if that's... what I like... you know?"

Jeremy snorted water, and Michael looked defensive. "Sorry," Jeremy said laughing. "No, I totally get it."

They both started laughing at Jeremy's stupidity.

..............

Christine stared at the mingling party around her. She was fine not talking to anyone. She was fine talking to everyone. Either way, it was fine. She was content.

She heard laughter enter the mix of voices, and looked over to see Michael and Jeremy walking out of the kitchen. They were talking in the corner of the room now, and as they were talking, a certain realization hit her.

It was hard to explain. But the way they were talking, the way they were acting, especially Jeremy...

She smiled a little, but it was a sad smile, and she looked away.

Her older brother was gay.

She kind of knew what to look for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christine's not stupid, she can figure things out
> 
> XD
> 
> I love green bean casserole


	15. Dating Date to Friend Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Jeremy's point of view, Christine calls him over for a date, and he finally decides he needs to confess what's been on his mind... only to be surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question at the end of this chapter for you guys. I need some advice and other input on this one plot point I want to put in the story, but I'm not sure yet. I need more opinions.

Finally the movie party ended. Evan and Jeremy saw their guests out. Michael and Jared were caught up in a conversation right past them, and Zoe and Chloe stayed away from each other as much as possible. Zoe smiled at Evan and gave him a little wave as she let, and Christine gave Jeremy a quick kiss before she left.

"Bye, Jeremy," she said, smiling hugely.

Jeremy smiled back. Her smile was contagious. "Bye."

She turned away, and went down the street where her car was waiting.

Jeremy stretched his arms out, yawning. "That was exhausting," he stated, and headed to his room.

...........

Later that night, Jeremy was checking things on his phone when he heard raised voices downstairs. The voices weren't exactly shouting, but they were definitely frustrated.

A moment later, Evan came in, looking more drained than angry.

"What happened?" Jeremy asked, sitting up. He leaned his back against the wall.

Evan sighed. "My mom... didn't know I had a girlfriend. What's more, she's frustrated that it was the sister of my dead friend."

Jeremy grimaced, still looking at his phone. "That's not good at all."

"No, it's not." Evan looked down, and sighed once more. "I think she was using these telling... I don't know. It sounded like she might try to call the Murphy's and have dinner with them."

Jeremy glanced up. "That wouldn't be good for anyone, huh?"

"Nope."

"Well, I'm here for you if things get stressful."

Evan smiled a little. "Thanks. Me too."

They were silent for a moment as Jeremy continued to browse the internet. Finally, he casually asked, "How much did that party drain you?"

"I feel dead," Evan said, and Jeremy looked up laughing.

A ding came from his phone, and Jeremy saw it came from Christine.

 _Can we hang out tomorrow??_ it read.

Jeremy swallowed. He had promised himself that he would tell Christine the truth about his sexuality. He had been avoiding it, but he felt like he should finally tell her this time.

So he answered, _Yep!!_

"Anyway," Evan said from across the room. "I'm going to sleep and recharge."

"Okay," Jeremy said. "Good night."

"Goodnight." Evan rolled over and faced the opposite way from Jeremy.

Jeremy smiled a little. Sometimes it was nice just to feel like normal brothers, not ones who had to say _I love you_ all the time.

Sometimes, a friend was just as nice.

............

The next day was a Sunday, and Christine invited Jeremy to the park. When he got there, Christine was already there, sitting at one of the picnic tables and smiling widely.

"Hey there!" she said, standing up to meet him."

Jeremy looked at her, smiling, but inside feeling nervous. "Hey."

What was he going to tell her?

"I brought food, and there's just that field out there, it's just grass. So we can just hang out and eat... chips?" Christine laughed a little. "Sorry, it's really weird-"

"No, no, it's okay! Just hanging out, right?" It might be easier to do this if it was "hanging out" rather than a "date."

"Yeah," Christine said, and started jogging down the hill with the bag of chips, prompting Jeremy to follow her. They ended up in the grass at the bottom, and both sat across from each other in the grass.

Christine opened the bag of chips, and started gnawing on them hungrily, causing Jeremy to smile. They ate chips for a while in silence, while Jeremy tried to get his butterflies under control and muster up the courage to do what needed to be done.

Finally he said, "Christine, there's something I've been wanting to tell you."

Christine nodded, swallowing her chips before saying, "Me too. That's why I asked if you wanted to hang out."

Jeremy's butterflies started up again. "Okay.. well, what I want to tell you is-"

"you're gay."

Jeremy started coughing on chip crumbs that were still in his mouth. He had never finished his sentence, and his watering eyes looked over at Christine, whose face had turned oddly somber.

"Is that... what you wanted to tell me?"

Jeremy's first instinct was to lie about it. But what good would that do? Jeremy was literally about to tell her the very thing she had guessed. After a moment, he looked down, ashamed.

'When... how did you-?"

Christine looked down as well. "I realized yesterday... when you were talking with Michael... my older brother's gay, so I kind of know what to look for."

Jeremy's heart dropped. Oh, no. Christine didn't just know he was gay, she also knew he had a crush on Michael.

"Christine, I-" Jeremy bit his lip, not knowing exactly what to say next. "I didn't want to..."

"Just, can I ask?" Christine looked up. "How long have you known? And why didn't you tell me?"

Jeremy felt his eyes soften a little. "I... I've known for a while, I just.... I thought you'd be mad. I didn't want to hurt you, and I'd feel really stupid too, since I felt like I was straight for so long, and then it ended up I wasn't. I just... I haven't come out yet either. Evan's the only one who knows, and it's just... I'm so sorry."

Christine nodded. "Me, too. But... I do understand."

"You do?"

"Yes. When I finally realized it, I tried to shake it off until I got home, and then I finally just accepted... I probably shouldn't be dating a gay man. Not to be rude to you, just... you shouldn't date a girl if you don't like them in that way."

Jeremy stared at her for a couple seconds, and when he didn't say anything, Christine said, "You'll find nothing but acceptance from me." And then she smiled at him.

Jeremy smiled back, her smile still contagious. "I really do value you as a friend, Christine. And I hope we can continue to be friends."

Christine nodded vigorously. "Of course! You're one of the closest friends I have!"

"So... this is a friend date now?" Jeremy asked, gesturing to the bag of chips.

Christine smiled in a way that said _yep_ and they both ate some more chips.

"So, you have a crush on Michael?" Christine asked for a moment.

Jeremy shrugged. "It's too late. He's got a boyfriend of his own."

Christine smiled, her mouth full of chips. "There are still plenty of fish in the sea, right?"

Jeremy sighed. "I suppose."

They ate chips until the bag was empty, and when Jeremy went home, he felt a little bit of weight lifted off his shoulders. He wasn't "out" in the traditional sense... but it was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I started writing this fanfiction, I always had the goal be that Evan confesses himself to the Connor Project. So he ends up telling everyone that it was a lie.
> 
> However, I read the Dear Evan Hansen novel in between, and at the end of the book, Evan was saying how it seemed the Murphy's didn't even want him to tell anyone. And it kind of changed my sure idea of what Evan should do.
> 
> I have a path in mind for if he does tell everyone, but it might not be the best path for the story to take. What do you guys think?


	16. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy works on coming out to the rest of the family. Heidi decides to come out and call the Murphy's over for dinner. Jasper and Heidi make an announcement.

Heidi took a deep breath, mustering her courage. She then picked up her phone and called the phone number listed in front of her; the phone number for the residence of the Murphy's.

A woman's voice on the other end picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi, um, who is this?"

"This is Cynthia Murphy."

"Hello, Mrs. Murphy, I'm, um, Evan's mother, and I-"

Heidi was interrupted by the woman's gasp on the other end. "You're Evan's mother? Oh, we must have you over for dinner sometime!"

Heidi laughed nervously. "That's exactly what I was calling about, actually."

"Oh, this is a great idea! When would you like to have it? I would have no problem hosting at all, in fact I'd be extremely happy if I were able to do it."

 _This woman sure is talkative,_ thought Heidi. "Um... sure, that sounds great! Would tomorrow night work?"

"Tomorrow night sounds perfect!" the woman on the other end said joyfully. Heidi could practically hear her bouncing up and down. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Hansen!"

"Please, call me Heidi," she said shyly.

"Oh all right," Mrs. Murphy said, but in still a joyful, non-condescending tone, and hung up.

Heidi felt more nervous than before she had picked up the phone; and a bit winded, too, if that was even possible.

Her boyfriend came up to her, asking, "Who was that?"

Heidi looked up at him. He was wearing oven mitts, since he had been helping with dinner, and had taken over when Heidi decided she should call the Murphy's finally. "Well, it sounds like we're having dinner with Connor's parents tomorrow."

"Connor.." Jasper muttered. "Oh, Evan's friend..."

Heidi nodded solemnly. "I decided I should finally reach out, so... will you come to the dinner with me? If it's not too inconvenient for you."

"No, no, I'd love to come! I'm excited, too." He then took her hands in his, even though the oven mitts were still covering his forearm. "The dinner I'm more excited about, though," he said quietly and deeply, "is tonight's."

Heidi was about to ask him about what he meant when he yelled up the stairs, "Boys! Dinner!" He turned back to Heidi. "I made most of the meal this time. I want to see how it's going to turn out!" he scampered off to the kitchen, a big smile on his face.

Heidi scoffed, shaking her head and smiling. She had married a dork. And she loved that dork a lot.

...............

Evan had patiently listened to Jeremy's perspective on the date while also working on uploading things for The Connor Project. When it had uploaded, he turned back around and gave his full attention to his brother.

"Well, that's good, right?" he asked. "Christine was the one holding you back, and now you can become more open about everything."

"I guess," Jeremy said, kicking at the carpet. "I hadn't really thought about the 'coming out' part, surprisingly enough. I was more focused on the coming out to one person. I don't know where my dad stands on gay people. Plus, the guy I actually like-" Jeremy stopped here, and averted his eyes, blushing. "Well, he's in a relationship now."

"Just cause the guy you're gay for is in a relationship doesn't mean you should keep lying about your sexuality," Evan shrugged. "What if some girl wanted to ask you out? That would be incredibly awkward."

"As far as the school knows currently, I'm still in a relationship with Christine," Jeremy countered.

"That's not going to last for long. People are going to figure out you're not in a relationship anymore, and then you're fair game." Evan sighed, shaking his head at his brother. "Look, I know it's hard... or at least, I've _heard_ it's hard... but I'll be there when you come out to our parents... and hopefully your friends too. You can't stay in the closet forever, Jeremy. Did you know that suicide rates are much higher in teens who were lying about their sexuality?"

Jeremy looked back at him. "Why do you know those?"

Evan was confused. "Know what?"

"Random facts about suicide."

"Oh." Evan looked away now, but for a different reason. "I don't know. Because of The Connor Project," he said quickly, coming up with a lie. "It's handy to know a lot of... fun facts."

They fell silent, and then they heard their dad's voice come up the stairs. "Boys! Dinner!"

"Dinner is the perfect time to tell them," Evan ushered, standing up. "Come on. Let's go."

Jeremy huffed, standing up as well. "All right."

They stumbled down the stairs, and took their spots at the table.

"Your dad made dinner this time," Heidi said slowly, quietly sinking into her chair.

"Geez. Don't sound so reluctant," he said, laughing as he came into the room with a tray of lasagna.

"I mean... it looks okay," Jeremy said. He was acting normal, but his face seemed paler than usual, Evan noticed. Probably because he knew what he should probably do.

Mr. Heere served the lasagna, and they all dug in, going around the table in random conversation topics as they usually did. The lasagna was not as good as it could have been, but it was decent.

Finally, as they could all sense things wrapping up, Evan made eye contact with Jeremy and raised his eyebrows. Jeremy took a deep breath, and opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by someone else's voice.

"Everyone?" It was Mr. Heere. He was at the opposite head of the table from Heidi, and he looked nervous about something. He stood up and crossed the room.

"I, uh.. I wanted to..." he cleared his throat, not sure exactly what to say. But he got to his girlfriend, looked deep into her eyes, and bent down on one knee.

Heidi immediately began to tear up. She knew he was going to propose, she just hadn't known when.

Evan felt his eyes pop out of their sockets. He looked over to see Jeremy in the same state of shock. They had also known this was coming, they just hadn't known when.

"Heidi, I..." Mr. Heere was awkward in proposing, and that's what made it more heartfelt. "I love you. I thought that after my first wife, I'd never find anyone better, and she was the best I would ever get, the best I even deserved. But then I found you, and you showed me differently. And I know that we can have an amazing life together. So, Heidi Hansen... will you marry me?"

Heidi was crying, but she chocked out, "Yes! Yes!"

Evan and Jeremy beamed as their two parents embraced each other, hugging and kissing. They weren't sure what to do other than clap and cheer.

A couple months ago, the two boys would've hated having their marriage a sure thing. But living together before getting married was definitely the right call for everyone.

Evan and Jeremy shared a look, however. Jeremy shrugged. Evan sighed. It would be really awkward if Jeremy told everyone he was gay _now_. He would probably have to wait until tomorrow night.

Oh, wait... he was going to be with the Murphy's tomorrow night. Maybe the night after that.

And, a thought struck, Evan, maybe he should bring Jeremy to meet the Murphy's. Family meets family.

But for now, they all focused on the proposal that had just witnessed. And what a beautiful proposal it was.

Evan and Jeremy would now _officially_ be brothers.


	17. Probably The Awkwardest Dinner Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan invites Jeremy to have dinner with the Murphys, but then unexpectedly finds their parents there as well....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I haven't posted in forever! The first week I was on a trip, and the week after that I was binge-reading a book... but I'm back now!!

They had stayed up a little later, the whole family, to celebrate the proposal and the up and coming marriage. The adults had opened up a bottle of wine, and the boys had some soda from the fridge, and they all migrated to the front room to sit on the couches and simply talk.

After an hour of this, Evan and Jeremy finally decided it was time to go back to their rooms. As they were heading back up the stairs, Jeremy snuck one last glance back at their parents to find them cuddling in the dim light left behind, and he smiled.

When he entered the room, he closed the door, and called sarcastically behind him, "I'm gay, by the way."

Evan laughed. "I was actually thinking you could tell them tomorrow night, but I'm going to the Murphy's for dinner. And I was thinking you could join me."

Jeremy blinked. "Really? You sure?"

Evan smiled hesitantly. "You're my brother. I don't hate you. I'd love to have you meet my-" he stopped there, and turned away clearing his throat. "Er, the Murphy's."

Jeremy wasn't stupid, but he was too tired to follow up, so he flopped backwards onto the bed. "Sure. It sounds like fun. Our parents know you'll be there, right?"

"Yeah, I think so," Evan said. "My mom won't be surprised if I don't come home after school today. I've been going over there a lot." He looked back at Jeremy, smiling a little. "I think they might like an evening to themselves, anyway."

Jeremy sighed contentedly, thinking for a moment. "It's weird to think of _our_ parents, isn't it?"

"It's weird to think of _parents_ in general," Evan said, a little weirded out, but sounding a little bitter as well. "It's a foreign word in my house. I usually just use _mom_."

"Where is your dad, anyway?" Jeremy asked. "You never talk about him."

Evan startled, getting that familiar flushed look on his face he always seemed to get. "Oh, I didn't want to seem like I was complaining or anything-"

"I know," he said. "I'm just curious. What... happened to him?"

Evan was hesitant, twisting his fingers in his palm and looking towards the closed door, before starting with a hushed voice. "My mom hates talking about him," he said. "Frankly I try not to think about him much either, but I end up thinking about him all the time... I think she does, too.... the more we want to move on and put him out of our mind, the more he seems to come back and hurt us. I'm not saying she doesn't love your dad, she does. It's... he moved away to Colorado, and he's barely done anything for me or her since he moved, and it's... it's complicated. There's been a lot of hurt over the years."

There was an awkward silence after that, as Evan leaned back a little, looking towards the far wall.

"My mom was a she-demon as well," Jeremy said, laughing a little. "I can't say she hurt me much, though, I never liked her that much.... I saw it coming for a long time, and I had time to prepare and stuff, but my dad was totally caught off-guard. He was... depressed for a while. I helped him get out of his funk after a long time, and meeting your mom helped a lot."

"We both have pretty crappy parents, don't we?" Evan said, laughing a little. "What sucks the most is I always go back to him, no matter how much I tell myself I hate him... I always try to reach out, even though I know it'll only hurt again..."

"I get bitter from time to time," Jeremy admitted. "But honestly, I was never super close to my mom. For me, it's just been easy. Maybe it's because I knew I had to be the responsible, down-to-earth sane one between me and my dad, but... I don't know. I feel awful about it because it feels like I don't love her. I do. I think that's a given. People usually love their parents unconditionally. I just... don't like her. I love her, but I hate her guts."

"I feel the exact same way," Evan said. He looked hesitant before he said, "Your dad is an amazing replacement. For mine. I mean- that sounds a little rude, but-"

"I know what you mean," Jeremy said, smiling despite the depressing conversation they were on. "And my mom will never be half the woman your mom is."

Evan blushed. "I really wish we weren't fighting so much lately."

"I'm sure it'll pass," Jeremy said, laying back into his bed. "Besides, you're due for a _little_ teen rebellion, right? The way you describe your life, it sounds like you haven't had _any_."

"I suppose you're right," Evan said, guilt tainting his voice. Jeremy could only imagine how guilty he felt about lying about The Connor Project to his mom- to _everyone_ , really.

A couple minutes passed, and Jeremy said softly, "We're officially going to be brothers."

There was no response at first, and Jeremy had assumed in the first place that Evan was asleep, but after a moment he answered.

"It's crazy," he muttered. "I always wanted a younger brother."

Jeremy felt like he had been smiling so much more since Evan moved into the house, and it felt a little cheesy, but he was smiling again as he rolled over and faced the window.

..................

Evan came home from school the next day, just to grab Jeremy to head over to the Murphy's. His parents weren't there, but they were probably both still at work, or very possibly on a date. He decided to leave a note on the kitchen table just in case, saying _Jeremy and I went out tonight_.

He opened the door into their room, finding Jeremy on his laptop. "Ready to go?" he asked.

He promptly closed the laptop, standing up. "Yep," he said, following Evan out the door.

Evan still didn't have his license, so Jeremy drove the extra car as Evan gave him the directions. It was clear on the other side of town, but it gave the brothers an opportunity to talk about nothing in particular.

Finally, they drove up to the fancy house, and found Zoe waiting for them in the driveway. She smiled as she saw the car pull up.

"Hey," she said energetically, quickly kissing Evan as he got out of the car. She had a large smile on her face as she said, "I've got a surprise for you,"

Evan smiled back at her. "You sure you don't mind that Jeremy is here?"

Zoe shook her head. "I don't mind at _all_. I hope you don't mind, either..."

Evan shared a look with Jeremy, confused. "What do you mean?"

Zoe led the two boys through the front door biting her lip. "That we have extra guests..."

She didn't need to explain herself, as Evan heard laughter from the living room at some joke that was just told, and he heard the distinct sound of his mother's. He refused to assume anything yet, but as he walked into the living room with Zoe and Jeremy, he froze, seeing Jeremy's dad, and his mother, sharing some wine with the Murphy's.

Cynthia glanced over and smiled brightly. "Oh, Evan, I hope you don't mind. Your mother reached out, she wanted to meet us in person, and she brought your step-father, too. Or, soon to be step-father, as she was telling us," she giggled a little.

Evan forced a smile, but feeling a sense of anxiety coming on. He glanced quickly at Jeremy, who was looking over at him. No doubt Jeremy knew how Evan was feeling right now. This was very bad. Especially with two of Evan's parents here.

"I, uh-" Evan swallowed, trying to get the sentence out. "I invited my step-brother, so you could meet him, I hope that's okay-"

Cynthia cut him off. "That's more than okay! This way your whole family can meet ours!" Larry reached for her hand, and they both smiled at Evan endearingly. It was honestly kind of creepy.

Evan whispered in Zoe's ear, "Did you know about this?"

Zoe leaned back so Evan could see her face, and smiled as big as her parents, nodding.

"I didn't know Evan... and Jeremy, would be joining us," Evan's mother said lightly, laughing, but obviously uncomfortable, gripping her wineglass too tightly. "Evan, I didn't realize how much time you had been spending here... especially before we moved in."

Evan looked at Jeremy's shoes. Not his, because he was almost too ashamed to even look at his own shoes. "You weren't around," he muttered.

"Why did I think you were at Jared's?"

"I don't know."

Jeremy's feet shuffled a little closer to his, obviously letting him know he was going to remain by his side the whole night. What Evan felt he needed by his side, however, was a bucket. He really felt like he needed to puke.

"We were all just talking about how secretive you and Connor were," Cynthia said, still smiling, completely oblivious. "Secret email accounts, only would go to each other's house if no one was home..."

"You know how secretive boys can be," Jeremy's dad said, trying to pitch into the conversation. They all laughed. Jeremy squeezed Evan's hand quickly, another reassurance. Evan smiled quickly, but still wouldn't look up at anyone's face.

"Something smells good," Evan said loudly, trying to divert the attention away from Connor.

"I made Chicken Milanese for everyone," Cynthia answered, beaming. "In fact, I think it's almost done. How does everyone feel about moving to the kitchen table?"

The Murphy's all had huge smiles, almost plastic-like, but the rest of the guests felt extremely uncomfortable, especially Evan. He felt ready to pass out and die. Mr. Heere felt like he didn't belong in this house of someone he had basically no relations to, Heidi really felt poor compared to these people, and Jeremy was honestly just nervous to see how the night was going to pan out. Most likely badly.

Once they all got served their food, there was a couple moments when they ate in silence. Evan was surprised at how happy and oblivious the Murphy's seemed to be to all the tension.

"So, Jeremy," Larry piped up, probably wanting to include him, "what kinds of things do you like to do?"

Jeremy swallowed his food, and then politely answered. "Well, I was in a Shakespeare play in the first semester, so I'm basically considered a drama kid now, even though I didn't... have a lot of fun participating," he said calmly, not letting any emotions of the trauma of the first semester show in his face. He was doing a much better job of keeping it together than Evan was, who felt like he was going to melt into a puddle of sweat at any moment. Then again, Jeremy wasn't in the hot seat right now, in danger of any secrets being discovered.

Jeremy continued, "I have one super close friend, and a lot of the time we figure out what kinds of things we like together. But we always like to play, um, video games." he cleared his throat, suddenly nervous that video games wouldn't be respected in this dignified house of rich people. "Yeah. That's our main thing."

However, the Murphy's were kind and supportive smiling and saying, "That's great." They were so charismatic Jeremy couldn't help his lips twitch a little into a smile, but when he glanced at Evan, it faded.

Zoe spoke up next, speaking to Heidi. "Evan was showing me all those college scholarship essays you were doing with him. It was really impressive. There must be a ton."

Heidi cleared her throat, plastering on a fake smile. "Evan is a great writer. His English teacher praised him a while back for writing the best essay she had ever read on Sulu."

They all smiled at that remark, but unfortunately Evan couldn't keep his mouth shut. He still wasn't staring at anyone's face. "Sula," he muttered.

Heidi directed her gaze to him. Her smile was still on, but her eyes were ice. "What did I say?" she asked, her voice having the slightest edge.

"Sulu."

Heidi raised her eyebrows, and returned to her food. "Ah," she muttered.

Larry cleared his throat, and Evan suddenly wanted to scream at people to stop clearing their throats. It was making the whole situation much more stressful. "I believe Sulu is a character from Star Trek," he pitched in.

Zoe leaned back, setting down her fork. "Speaking of scholarships..." she said, looking to her parents.

Her parents set down their eating utensils as well. "I suppose now is as good a time as any," Cynthia said.

Evan clutched at his brother's hand, hating where this was going.

"Well, Zoe mentioned to us how earlier on, Evan was having... trouble with the financial burdens of college," Cynthia said. "And our son was close enough to graduating that we had set aside some money for him-"

She broke off, suddenly looking lost and sad, but when Larry put his hand on her shoulder, she snapped out of it again, laughing and waving him away.

"I'm okay," she laughed. She continued, "I know you're doing much better now, and we're very grateful for that. But if you would like, we would love the opportunity to give you the money we set aside for Connor, to help Evan - and Jeremy, too - get the best college education possible."

There was silence at the dinner table, and the Hansen-Heere family was shocked. Evan didn't just feel terrified anymore, he felt _exhausted_ , like he just couldn't hold up his head at this house anymore, or anywhere else for that matter. Jeremy's expression was neutral, but he was clutching Evan's hand under the dinner table tightly, as probably Mr. Heere's hand clutching Heidi's. Zoe was holding onto Evan's other hand, but Evan found Jeremy much more comforting at the moment.

 Finally, Heidi stood up. Evan slowly raised his eyes to look at her. But Heidi didn't look at anyone.

She grabbed her purse, and she left.

"Heidi. Heidi!" Jasper called after her, but to no avail. She stormed out the front door. Evan and Jeremy remained mute, and the Murphy's sat in a stunned silence.

After a moment, Mr. Heere turned to the Murphy's. "I'm extremely sorry. She's just stressed from work, and has had a lot going on, she probably just needs to process the information. Will you allow us to think about it?"

Cynthia was very, very quick to forgive, it was almost surprising. "Of course. Please tell her we're sorry if we upset her."

"I should probably go, since I drove here with her, and I should calm her down," Mr. Heere said, standing up. "The boys can stay here for a little while longer since they drove up separately. Again, I'm extremely sorry that I couldn't stay for longer, I apologize for her behavior, and thank you so much for dinner."

Larry and Cynthia both said a collective, but jumbled, "No, thank _you_ for coming to dinner! And it's perfectly okay?"

Evan felt completely detached from his body, and he had forgotten to bow his head again after his mother had left. So Mr. Heere looked both him and Jeremy straight in the eye and said, "Get home safe. We need to have a talk when you get home, okay?"

jeremy answered for them. "Okay."

Mr. Heere gave one more apology and a thank you, and then followed after Heidi, leaving Jeremy and Evan to attempt to clean up the mess that had been left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I changed part of how the scene went with Heidi at the Murphy's, but I felt like this would work better with these circumstances. Like, Heidi felt insulted they were still giving her money even when they still had plenty, so she just stormed out instead of explaining herself. Plus, Mr. Heere I feel is probably the most level headed out of anyone in the Hansen Heere family right now.


End file.
